Dear Spring Break Bod,
I’m here to break the news to you that I don’t think you’re going to happen.
Look, I’m just as disappointed as you are. I thought by this point I’d be walking around with a Victoria’s Secret Angel body, completely ready for spending a week in the sun. But in in reality it’s quite the opposite.
I had an elaborate plan. I downloaded Kayla Itsines bikini workout video. I pinned the “5 Minutes to a Fuller Ass” workouts on Pinterest. I even went out and bought some weights.
But pinning and doing are two different things. For example, I have over 200 recipes pinned on Pinterest and guess how many I’ve done? Zero. I doubt that slow roasted barbecue crockpot chicken will ever be cooked.
My plan was great and I started off so strong. I worked out everyday and ate, sort of healthy. And by healthy I mean I ate pizza only twice a week instead of every other day.
Finally that Rihanna-esque body chain was looking like a possibility. I even started looking at those ridiculous cut out swim suits that only look good on girls with less than five percent body fat.
But then, as all stories in my life seem to go, my laziness caught up with my. It would be cold, and I didn’t feel like doing my hair again, and I would skip that 5 minute Pinterest workout. I would claim that “I’ll just start going to the gym next week.”
But, alas, I didn’t start going to the gym that next week. My pins sat unread on my Pinterest boards and the weights started gathering dust in the corner of my crowded room.
I blame The Food Network, beer, pizza, and The Great British Baking Show. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the show, it’s a British baking competition where contestants create beautiful, delicious baked goods that immediately leave you hungry even if you just ate. I do not recommend watching this show on a diet. You’ll be watching and next thing you know you’re standing in the grocery store at 10 o’clock at night trying to decide which flavor frosting will go best with your chocolate Duncan Hines cake. Trick question, all of the flavors of icing taste good with a chocolate Duncan Hines cake.
So spring break bod, you were a great idea, but I don’t think you’ll be catching rays with me this spring break. I also don’t think you’ll get to wear that body chain, which is probably a good thing because I think only Rihanna can pull that off. Also say goodbye to those strips of fabric they’re claiming is a swimsuit. Since there’s no spring break’s in the real world, this was my last chance to perfect you and I blew it. Did you expect anything else though?
I guess there’s always the idea of me working towards a great summer body, but we all know how that’s going to go. I’m coming to the realization that I wouldn’t last a day on The Biggest Loser. Now the Great British Baking show is a different question.
Sincerely,
There's always next year