Airplanes. We all know them. Some enjoy sitting in a window seat and just looking out into the sky for as long as the flight lasts. Some love to just sit in an aisle seat and read a book.
Unfortunately, I am not one of those people.
Being a frequent flier, and through my experiences in airports flying back and forth for school breaks, flying is never something I will ever look forward to, nor will I ever enjoy. So, here I am, writing this letter to the unlucky person who happens to sit in front, next to, and behind me.
To the person to my left/right:
Hello. I know this is a little out-of-the-ordinary, but I figured I should address my grievances in order to accurately prepare you for this wonderful flight we will both have.
First off, my headphones will be on at all times. There is no need to talk, ask me a question about my whereabouts, or inquire about the in-flight menu. I will be here, on my downloaded Apple Music playlist, probably listening to Halsey or Maroon 5.
And don't even think about moving your body anywhere near the line dividing seats into three. This is my space, and it better not be invaded.
To the person sitting behind me:
You better not be a child. The one thing that drives not only me, but I'm sure your other fellow passengers crazy, is being kicked by the person behind you. Please be polite and become a rock-solid statue for the rest of the flight. There is no need to move around, reach into the pocket in front of you (on the back of my seat) for your water bottle, or store your magazines for safe keeping. Just a recommendation.
To the person sitting in front of me:
You are the one I might have to worry about the most. Reclining your seat not only annoys me and prevents me from moving my body in any sort of way, but it disrupts the whole chain of seats behind you.
First, you will recline, and then that will prompt me to recline to have my own space, and then eventually we will get to the person whose seat is pressed against the back wall of the plane and is stuck in the same situation that I was in to begin with. Unless the flight is longer than two hours, I think you can manage to sit in an upright position and flip through SkyMall.
And finally, a closing remark:
My temperamental self can't handle airplanes; the smell of McDonald's at an 8am flight from a family sitting three rows behind; the presence of the woman who happens to tip over and fall asleep on your shoulder; or the row of 6 babies (yes, I said 6 – my last flight was a nightmare) crying at the top of their lungs with mothers and fathers who sit there and read on their Kindles.
All jokes aside, air travel has never been my friend, so hopefully, this angsty letter made you relate to my pain and suffering. Or, at the very least, just made you aware of all the things that suck about flying on airplanes. Be ready, and be prepared, is all I have to say.