A Letter To The Girl Who's Afraid To Let Anyone In

A Letter To The Girl Who's Afraid To Let Anyone In

You've been burned one too many times by people who said that they would be there for you forever.
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To the girl who’s too afraid to let anyone in, I see you. I understand your fear, your worry, your doubt. I understand why you keep people at an arm's length or push them away when they try and get too close.

Maybe it started when you were little. Your dad walked away and never once looked over his shoulder. He chose money and women over his little girl, and for eight years he paid for it behind big metal bars. He would call you and tell you how much he loved you and how he was going to make it right when he got out. But how? He was gone for eight years. He missed so much. So many things that a daddy should be there for his little girl. School dances, heartbreaks, broken car parts. He was never there. But you wanted to believe in him. So, you did.

And that was your first heartbreak. Whenever daddy got out, he didn’t make things right. He made things worse. He fought with you and mommy and never came around and soon, it was only a phone call a week. Then a month. Then three months. Then no phone call at all. No phone call on your birthday, or the day you graduated high school or the day you moved into your dorm room.

Maybe it was your first real love. A boy you thought was your everything. So you gave him everything you had and more. You put all your love and time and effort into him, and it was beautiful. Wonderful. Until, one day, things changed. And that boy who you swore you were going to marry one day outgrew you and pushed you away. All the promises you two made together had been broken, all the memories that you once looked at for happiness now left a bitter taste in your mouth. Hearing his name once made your heart race with excitement and your stomach filled with butterflies, but now whenever you hear his name, your heart stops from the pain it feels, your stomach hurts, and your anxiety takes over.

Maybe it was a best friend, who promised to never hurt you and always be there for you. You two were inseparable, attached at the hip. You did everything together. Then one day her kind words turned into daggers that stabbed you in the back. She would tell you things that would only hurt you and tear you down, instead of bringing you up. This is friendship? You would ask yourself as you’d sit in your room at 2 AM, crying because she told you how ugly you were. You’d always be too scared to go to school the next day because you never knew what side of her you’d get next.

Maybe you’ve just been burned one too many times by people who you treated so well and with so much love, but they didn’t appreciate it.

Maybe you’re tired of people lying to you and just telling you things that you want to hear, but then the truth comes out and makes you wonder why you ever trusted them in the first place.

I see you. I understand you. It’s scary, meeting new people. You can’t help but think when you meet them “I wonder if they will walk away, too”.

But, I also know that if you never meet new people and put yourself in those kinds of situations you will never grow and learn. You will never find the good people and learn how to see the bad people. So please, next time you start to get scared, or worried, or afraid, push those thoughts aside. Think of all the possibilities, good and bad. Think of the positive things that could happen from this new person, but also consider the negative. Put yourself out there, but don’t feel bad for guarding your heart. I promise, it’ll be worth it in the end.

Cover Image Credit: Wallpapers Charlie

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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