Before you continue reading this, I must inform you that this is an actual reflection that I wrote to myself about a year ago (fall semester of junior year). I stumbled upon it, and I am publishing this reflection as a means to remember that I am not in the same place nor am I the same person that I was a year ago--that I've grown through my experiences, that I continue to be molded by things I never anticipated.

Sometimes that's hard to forget because as people we can be discouraged when we're let down or we feel lonely or we just feel like things are stagnant. Whatever it is, we must continue to remind ourselves that life keeps moving, and whether we choose to grow with it or fall behind in our own circumstances is our choice.

So please, let this be a reminder that life can be hard. Life can hurt. Life can move quicker than you ever anticipated and take things you never thought'd you'd lose.

But in the hurt and the difficult situations, life also offers the sweetest moments and relationships you would've never seen for yourself. And that makes everything worth it.

A year ago, I was only starting to understand the concept of adulthood.

Today, I can say that I am an adult. That I am fully responsible for my actions and the way it affects other people. I accept that responsibility.

November 13th, 2016

"This year it really feels like I've grown up both mentally and emotionally. "Growing up" is a term that I think is overused while it is not really understood. Although I haven't come to understand what it means totally, I've gotten an idea for what it has to offer.

Within the last month, I lost a piece of my childhood that I had been holding onto for a long time--I never thought about what it would be like when I came home from college and it be gone just like that. I never really got to say good-bye and it hurts. But I think the entire idea of losing something and the pain it causes is the regret of not making that thing or person feel loved when you had it. It may be cliche, but that's where life goes wrong.

When you lose something you never thought you could live without, life goes on. That realization is what has been continually ingrained in my heart and in my mind.

My mentality has changed. It's made me lose the innocence of expecting everything to stay the same. I now expect life to bring everything and anything because nothing ever remains no matter how hard you try to keep it that way and how much you want it to be comfortable.

Your major changes, you lose things, your passions sway, you get stretched and molded and put in uncomfortable situations. The list goes on and on.

And through every season of life, we still cling to the things that make us feel safe. And when the things that make us feel safe are torn away from us, what are we left to expect of anything?

I suppose that I hope for perseverance and success for the future and love to be given and received from the people that are in my life. That's what I want, and that's what I feel fortunate enough to have.

I'm becoming more of the person I never thought I would be, which for the most part is good. I'm being chiseled into the person who has always been in this body, but sometimes it's hard not to look down at the ground and want to pick up the pieces that have fallen away.

Those pieces are the things I want to remember about who I was, who I am, and what I've experienced. I love who I've become and am becoming. I love the things that have gotten me to where I am in this very moment. It's taken me a very long time to get to this point--the point where I can say that I love and respect myself enough to choose myself.

"I am mine before I am anyone else's."

Anna