Although it may seem bizarre, I have never had a pet. The closest thing I have had to an animal of my very own was the hermit crab I gave to my friend for her birthday. I babysat it every once and awhile: he was quite the catch. I have always loved the idea of having a friend who is obligated to hangout with me, though.

That is why I am writing to you, my future puppy and best friend.

I hope that I am not coming on too strong. I have been deprived of you for an excessive amount of time and I am having a difficult time containing my excitement. You are probably concerned that I am not equipped to handle or take care of a puppy like yourself, but I can assure you, I am more than prepared. Since I never had a dog of my own, I have gravitated towards the pets of other people. I am properly trained in walking, feeding and playing with all sorts of species. Although I have no legal claim to other people’s animals, I tend to joke that I am the pet’s legal owner at times(unless it's a cat, then I do not even consider shared custody).

Another thing I have done to prepare for your arrival is brainstorm a list of names for you. The top names I have considered are Buster, Buster and Buster. The list is pretty tentative, though, and I am open to suggestions.

I hope I have not gotten you too excited about being my new best friend because although I really want you in the immediate future, I can not have you. Multiple reasons prohibit me from keeping you, including dorm regulations, mother’s house rules and colder weather(walking you in cold weather would only make me resent you). Do not fret, I will one day have my life together enough to purchase you; a real friend. Until then I must continue to live vicariously through my friends’ dogs. One day, you will be friends with them too.

Also, I may buy a goldfish so that I can learn to take care of another living soul. Should you have any other suggestions on how I may prepare for your arrival, give me a bark.

Sincerely,

Your overeager, future owner


P.S.

I think it is only fitting that you attempt to potty train yourself, seeing as I am putting in a lot of effort to get ready to take care of you...fish can be tricky to try and keep alive(they have to be fed three times a week at least!).