Dear You Two,

You know I love you both. I really do, but sometimes when I'm around you I feel so...lonely. You guys have so many inside jokes and things that make you randomly burst into a fit of giggles. It's funny at times but others, it makes me feel like I'm missing out on something. I know I'll never be able to come between you two, but that doesn't mean that you have to keep me on the outside all the time. Of course, I realize that it's not intentional, you two are just so close that it comes off that way.

I know that you two are a package deal, it's something that was understood when I entered the equation. However, every now and then it would be nice to be in on the joke or to have one of our own. I mean, we spend a lot of time together when you two are apart, we should have those moments too. Or maybe have something that the three of us can joke together about. I really hate feeling like a third wheel when you have those moments.

Then there are the many, many photos I tend to see. You guys are so...intimate at times that I feel slightly uncomfortable. Like I should expect a certain level of closeness, but sometimes it's a little much. It gets old, really old, and I'm really sick of it.

You know what is a cute and perfectly acceptable mode of transportation? A bicycle.

You know what is an awful and downright ugly and inconsiderate and selfish way to get around? A tricycle.

Does anyone even like anything in threes? Triangles? Try solving the cosine of three. The answer is zero degrees of warmth. Zero.

Am I invisible? Do you even hear me? I am sleeping in the other room, on the floor. Literally. Can you at least let the dog sleep with me? I feel like Jack in the Titanic. You very well know that there is plenty of room on the wooden plank of this relationship to include me. Alas, I drown in the freezing cold water, alone.

I'm pretty sure my letter won't even be heard. This will probably be an inside joke for years, and you'll make reference to it after the wedding. I wish I could just leave, but look at my face. This is the face of a third wheel. A third wheel forever. So here's to the Olafs, Hillary Clintons and mostly me.

Boy, I wish I had the balls to get out of this mess. I am her boyfriend after all! But I don't, and I won't even send this. I'll crumple it and throw it in my full trash cam and convince myself I'm being dramatic. I'll even say that I like you guys and I don't mind taking pictures. I might even smile and laugh it off. Oh, well, I'll be writing this again in a few months.

Love,

The third wheel significant other of two best friends.

P.S. I expect to fully compensated for my time; $20 for each profile photo and $15 for each Instagram post.

Partial writing credit goes to the third wheel this was inspired by. And yes, he also took the cover photo.