"There is no statute of limitations on starting over. Re-invent yourself every day. Be the girl who walks barefoot and listens to the blues. Tomorrow wear a trench coat and speak fierce truths. Be a phoenix. Be ashes. Burn down. Resurrect. Let go of the idea that you must always be who you have always been."
On December 1st, 2016, at the ripe age of 21 years old, I found myself sitting at the very place many of us fear the most. Rockbottom. In one year my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my uncle died suddenly of sepsis and most frighteningly to any parent, I ran out of money to feed myself, but failed to reach out or let anyone know.
Hungry, alone, and burdening more grief than a Junior in college would ever hope to experience, I had begun to believe that I deserved nothing more than the cards that I had been dealt. I believed that I was supposed to suffer, that life was meant to survive and not to enjoy, and I needed to accept the consequences for whatever bad karma I had done to life to deserve such heartbreak.
What I learned was that I was not alone. But most importantly, I was wrong.
I do deserve a life of joy. A life so deeply embedded with passion and meaning that no hardship or suffering could shake my very core into believing differently.
So on December 1, 2016 I coined the term "Day 1"as my motivation to regain control in my life and make the most of every moment and opportunity that life gave me. Day 1, as I affectionately call it, became my resurrection. Like the phoenix, I burned down and in my ashes began building the foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
In 13 months I lost 20 pounds, started dancing again, broke up with my long-term boyfriend of 6 years, began eating healthier options that also made me happier, and cut out the friends that would never give as I gave to them. What surprised me the most with my re-invention; however, was that I found more joy and a greater appreciation for myself than I ever had. In my exploration of self-love I began learning who I was.
I am strong enough to withstand hurricane-force winds that threaten to knock me down. I am passionate enough to achieve my dreams even though my GPA might falter, even though I cried myself to sleep more nights in 2016 than I'd like to admit, and most importantly because I had the opportunity to suffer excruciating heartbreak in watching my father die. An experience I would never wish on my mortal enemy. What I think was most important for me to learn; however, was that I truly am capable of changing my life for the better.
In taking the necessary steps to cut out toxic relationships with people, excessive carbs and pessimism I was able to see the light in life that I had long forgotten.
Rockbottom, while utterly terrifying and unimaginable, became the very place I learned some of the greatest lessons I could not have otherwise imagined. Without my suffering, without the loss of my dad and uncle, without the hunger pains or sleepless nights, I never would have learned the importance of self-care. I never would have learned the strength that I held within and the determination I had to make a change in my life. It is because of my pain that I made the conscious decision to finally put myself first and take the first steps toward recovery, toward my resurrection.
Now 13 months later, 2 pant sizes smaller, 12 inches of hair shorter and only 4 months until graduation, I still believe that I have more to do. But I will never stop moving forward. Life's too short for that nonsense.