How many of you have seen a baby boy look at a woman, no matter how old they were, and if he winked or acted a certain way you would go, "Aww, he's flirting already!" Or seen a boy and a girl be friends and teased them about being a couple? When older, have you seen a gay couple and asked, "Who's the man in the relationship?" These seemingly different scenarios all have one thing in common: they're examples of how heteronormativity has impacted your mindset on relationships and sexuality.
The definition of heteronormativity, according to Merriam-Webster, is the attitude or beliefs that heterosexuality is the only normal and natural expression of sexuality. This idea is based of LGBTQ prejudice and oppression, however, it goes much further than blatant prejudice. Because it assumes that heterosexuality is the default, it impacts how we perceive not only straight people and friendships but LGBTQ couples, gay rights and even those who fall outside the gender binary. It's a strict enforcement of the societal norm, which needs to be challenged and even changed if we truly want equality for LGBTQ people.
Heteronormativity impacts everybody, but it especially impacts those who fall outside of gender or sexual norms. Lesbians are expected to act manly or unfeminine, because we assume that only masculine people can be attracted to women. When I came out as bisexual, I had people tell me that they were surprised when I showed attraction towards feminine women. Why? Because I'm very feminine, and my love for makeup and dresses apparently means I cannot also love girls who wear makeup and dresses. In fact, I also got assumptions that I'm "really" into guys, and cannot be into both guys and girls. As I mentioned earlier, people in a same-sex relationship often hear "Who's the man in the relationship?" as if there must be a heterosexual angle to every relationship. Even if one is not straight, relationships have to have some sort of "one man, one woman" angle in order to be socially acceptable.
Heteronormativity also affects straight people's friendships and relationships. This isn't to the same extreme as LGBTQ people, but it's important to mention when fully describing the impact of this social phenomenon. Have you ever had a friend of the opposite sex, and no matter how platonic it was, people would come up to you and ask when you were going to hook up? Personally, I've had friends ask me to warn them before any male friends come over because they were afraid they would see something sexually attractive. This was problematic for many reasons, but it also assumed that not only all four of the women living in said apartment were straight, but that any male friends that came over were also straight.
The biggest result of heteronormativity is modern LGBTQ oppression, especially with same-sex couples. Most recently, a lesbian couple had their child taken away from them by a Utah judge who claimed that the child would be better with straight parents. Despite the fact that many, many children are raised by single parents, many judges and politicians believe that a man and a woman are needed to raise a child. Discrimination against LGBTQ couples is based on the idea that anything outside the norm or default is dangerous, especially when children are involved.
Next time you encounter a situation with a man and a woman where you might assume something about their sexuality, remember that being straight isn't the default. In order to have full equality for people on the LGBTQ spectrum, we need to break down societal ideas that hurt us and heteronormativity is the most powerful barrier. Because there are many different sexualities and genders, and different ways to express them, you should never assume.