So yesterday I had a crappy day. It was one of those days where it felt like everything was going wrong, continuously. It started off as normal as any. I got ready, drank a lot of coffee, and walked around merrily. I expected the day to match the ones before. However, throughout the day, bit by bit, it felt as though I wasn't walking the same trail. It felt like the ground was suddenly an incline where I had to push harder every step to get anywhere. And truthfully, I wasn't prepared. I wasn't wearing the right shoes. I knew I would get blisters from the effort. With every step, I got more and more wrapped up in my own stress. The stress was blinding, I couldn't see past my "How on Earth do I possibly handle this?" mindset. I was so focused on my little struggles, on how I put too much on my plate, how I was losing time, how my hair wasn't settling right, I totally forgot what was happening in the background. It is so easy to do that. It is so simple to focus on the bold and forget about the subtle. But you need the subtle, to see the bold. The yellow of a painting wouldn't be so prominent if the background wasn't black. The background is important, yet too often lost in thought.
And that's what I was doing. I was only focusing on what was bold that very second. I was in that the-world-is-spinning-what-have-I-done mindset. But then I found a sign. You know how people often say they saw a sign? It was like that, but an actual sign. There are a lot of those around most college campuses. This one, however, read "What is your perspective?" and it basically punched me in the stomach. I felt my heart lift and my frown lesson. You see, I was too wrapped up in my own mess, I didn't see the culprit. I didn't see Jesus. I didn't see that maybe it was Him switching up my lovely little plan. My plan, the one that involved a steady, easy walk, wasn't His and that is why it failed so easily, that's why suddenly I was walking up an incline.
In that moment, after glancing at an otherwise unimportant sign on the way to my dorm, I realized a lot of things. I realized that when your life shifts and you feel like each step is heavier and you aren't moving much, it means there is something better to come. I realized people are often standing in their own way, too scared to move, too scared to be thought awkward, too scared to be rejected. People are so power hungry, yet they are so easily frightened. They can be trembling in fear and still not let someone (even if it's Jesus) take the reigns. When people get pushed, they get scared and feel incredibly wary, but too quickly forget that there is so much more out there. They love comfort zones and practice unbelievable amounts of stubbornness. And I am one of them. I am very much one of them.
I think people too often forget that He didn't want this world to be the way it is. It wasn't He who made it such a mess. It is He that saves, though. It is He who cleans up the mess, bit by bit. We as a people are a giant mess, but He is only waiting to fix it for us. He is only waiting for us to let Him. He is the creator of the universe, the maker of the seas and stars and cute little puppies, the God of miracles. He can do more than we can even imagine in our lives. He can move what we can't even reach, start what we've only dreamed of, and take us places we've never thought of. He can do so much for us and He wants to. While walking with my hurting feet I could only think of two words: let Him.
Let Him do what He has planned. He sees our mistakes and our failings but decides to love us all anyways. I wonder what it would be like if we actually lived in that understanding. If our little brains could actually wrap around the fact that the one bigger than anyone loves us. He loves us so much, He set out a specific plan. He loves us so much, He died on a cross. He loves us so much, He is still there even when we leave. He knows what we need and He has it all ready for us. So let go and let Him.
How great is it that we can rest in knowing that when we have no idea where we are going or what we are doing, He does? And He not only knows what is to happen, He cares enough to prepare you, to shape you, and to sculpt you into the person He knows you can be. How great is it that when our lives suddenly seem like an impossible mountainous climb, He sees the top and is willing to help you get there? How great is it that we can step aside and let Him complete what we can't?
It was hard day yesterday, and my legs ache from the climb, but I am happy for it.