I would like to preface this by saying that after my friend came to me and told me about how she thought she might be bisexual, she graciously let me write down her feelings in this article.

I've written it all from her perspective in the hopes that it will be more relatable to you, the reader. These are all just her opinions and if you think that you may be bisexual, I hope that you don't base your decision to come out on her concerns/what-ifs.

Now that the warning is out of the way, let's dig in, shall we?

The other night I was drinking (responsibly) with my sister and I almost told her that I think I might be bisexual, but I stopped myself before it slipped out.

I usually tell her everything, but until I know for sure how I feel about women I don't think I want to tell her. It's my personal information anyways, so does she really need to know? Maybe it would help to get this off of my chest, but I'm not sure I want to take that chance yet.

Over the past year or two, I've started to find women more attractive, but I just brushed it off as newfound feelings of freedom and happiness based on women's body positivity.

I've always dated men, and I always thought that I only liked men, but now I'm not so sure.

I definitely find men attractive, but I have to wonder if I would've found women attractive earlier on if I felt like I was allowed to.

Lately, I feel like I've caught myself more and more often looking at girls and thinking "damn, she's sexy" and then I have to wonder why I'm thinking that. Am I just bored, lonely, and touch-starved from quarantine, or could I actually be attracted to this person? Am I only thinking this because I'm looking at someone through a screen? Would I be thinking the same thing if I saw her in person? Could I really just be going through a "phase" like everyone jokes about?

I have a hard enough time with relationships and trying to figure out men, so adding this new level of sexuality to the mix is something that I've really been struggling with recently. Some of my friends are bisexual so I could probably ask them for advice, but I'm extremely worried that it would change our friendship dynamic. Plus, if I conclude that I'm not bisexual, would they think that I was lying/faking? Or would they think that I was only experimenting because I'm bored? Hell, maybe I am, I'm not sure.

To be completely honest, I feel more comfortable thinking about kissing a woman than I do thinking about dating a woman.

Maybe that means I have major trust issues, or maybe it means I'm sexualizing bisexuality in an unfair way. I feel like the real question here is: am I bi-curious or am I fetishizing a whole group of people due to my increased viewing of porn? Let's be honest, we're all started watching more porn since quarantine started.

I have Tinder and Bumble, so maybe I'll change my preferences to "men AND women" and see how that goes. I could also just do more research, which in all honesty might be the safest and least dangerous route. The fact that I'm asking myself "Am I bisexual?" might be enough of an answer for me already, I might just not be ready to face it yet.

Thankfully I have a very accepting family (well, immediate family anyways) and I think they would be fine with me bringing home a girl for the holidays. I know that not everyone can say that, so I'm very grateful for my options.

As the world continues to progress towards equality for all, maybe labels will become obsolete, and I won't have to worry about whether or not I consider myself "straight" or "bisexual". Love is love, so screw labels and boxes. Maybe I like men more than women, maybe I will grow to like them both equally, or maybe I'll just end up unmarried with 12 cats. I sure as hell don't know yet, and I'm starting to think that's okay, too.

For now, I'll just be here drinking hot cocoa and focusing on not failing any of my classes.