It happens often that life throws us lessons when we didn’t even realize we need them. It sounds cliché, but everything happens for a reason. When I was a junior in high school, I learned a lesson. But, the lesson that was taught should have been taught to the teacher(s) as well.

Throughout my high school career, I was a member of our school’s marching band. I loved participating in the band. I met some great friends and I truly enjoyed playing my instrument. At the end of my junior year, I decided to audition for Drum Major.

Back then, I thought that perhaps I would pursue a career in music since I loved it so much. Ever since my freshman year, I had considered becoming a drum major. I was eager to audition, but I was also very nervous.

I have always been very shy, but, over the years, I have been able to overcome that more and more. But those 10+ years ago, I was quite shy. Not only that, but I was a teenage girl, so I was also very self-conscious, particularly about the way I looked. I’ve always been overweight, and that was no different in high school. (Although looking back, I only wish I could be as “overweight” now as I thought I was then). I was constantly comparing myself to other girls and wishing I could look like them.

Despite these insecurities, I was still ready and willing to take that step and audition. Now, I knew that I would be sitting in front of my band director, other marching band staff members, and a group of my peers that had been chosen to be on the committee. Needless to say, it was a bit intimidating!

I went through with my audition. I was nervous, yes, but I had the confidence that I did my best. I didn’t have my hopes set too high because I didn’t want to be disappointed. I wanted to be a realist about it. Also, as part of my self-consciousness, I was worried that my looks might be a determining factor in not getting it. (Our band director was a bit of a creep and often favored the “prettier” girls).

When they announced the people that were chosen as Drum Major, I was, sadly, not one of them. (Although, lucky for me, I knew it had nothing to do with looks, because the girl he did choose was nothing short of a wildebeest, but that’s neither here nor there).

I took the loss with grace. After all, I had expected that this might occur. Either way, I was still chosen to be the section leader for my instrument, and I was very happy with that.

But, out of curiosity, I had decided to ask one of my friends, who had been chosen to be on the peer committee, if he knew why I hadn’t been chosen. (Maybe he offered the information to me, I can’t quite remember this detail). What he told me kind of shocked me. He said that the way I was sitting is what made them ultimately decide I wasn’t the right fit.

A million things went through my brain. But, I could remember exactly the reason I sat the way I did. I sat in the chair and I folded my arms over my stomach. Why? Because I knew that my stomach popped out over my jeans when I sat down and, being the self-conscious person I was, I wanted to cover myself up.

Now, knowing what I know now, this is "Body Language 101" during an interview. And I do realize that this was improper posture. I understand that this made me come across as unprofessional. (Even though, at the time, I was deeply upset. I was already self-conscious of how I looked and, seemingly, that was exactly the reason I didn’t get the role).

This might sound stupid, but I do think about this moment from time to time. I was very vulnerable at that age and it hurt that, in trying to cover myself up, I ultimately screwed myself over.

But, it wasn’t until recently that something came to light for me. Yes, I was sitting in an unprofessional manner and I accept that. Then I think about the way the committee was sitting during my audition.

Now, if you’ve never been in a band classroom, let me paint a picture for you. You walk in the door and the floor is level but in front of you are risers (whether built-in or removable) that are made in an arc where the band sits. I would say there were about 5-6 levels in our band room, all rising higher and higher like stairs.

Guess where everyone was sitting? I was sitting on the floor level and everyone else was sitting on some section of the risers. Above me. Looking down on me. That is unprofessional. Anyone that’s been in a leadership role knows that when interviewing or communicating with an employee, you sit or stand at level with them. That’s Leadership 101.

When this thought popped into my head, I had to laugh. It’s quite clear to me that the judgment passed on me that day was unwarranted when the people issuing it clearly weren’t thinking about the overall format of the audition, and that they were in the wrong just as much as I was.

What did I learn from this? Well, I definitely learned the importance of body language. More importantly, I learned that you need to take criticism with a grain of salt. Not everyone that issues criticism has a leg to stand on. Sure, you can learn from them, but that doesn’t mean that they’ve got it all figured out either. So, you can’t bog yourself down by what the other person says; you have to think about it for yourself and decide if the criticism make sense.

I’m happy to say that despite not being chosen to be Drum Major, my life worked out very well. I went on to become an amazing manager and leader. I consider myself very successful. I had it in me to do it, no matter what I looked like.