Relationships are a common thing to see during college. Most people are, or have been in one. In college most people have been in quite a few. Development as a person often stems from these sorts of relationships. We go through a decision process when we chose to date someone. Often we look at how much work goes into finding the right person, and figuring out who we are alongside someone else. Your interests become melded together, you find things together you like to do, and when that is empty, often growing and maturing becomes more and more of a challenge. Relationships more often than not end for better or worse. Very few people end up finding, "the one' in college. Now, that is not to say you can't grow and mature when you're single, that's where independence is important, but it's also always great to have someone you can count on when you're not at your best.

During my last five years in college, both at Norwich and at school I've been in great relationships and I've been in bad ones, too. The most important thing to recognize is the difference between the two. I have not been a perfect person nor have I made a good boyfriend for some of my relationships. The idea is that I have learned from my mistakes. I still make them, even in my current relationships I make mistakes. This is acceptable. I've learned from my bad habits in the past, and in complacency, I have picked up habits that aren't great. Things get rocky with everyone and arguments will always happen, even if you're with your soul mate.

Dating is a litmus test to how much of a person you're willing to let into your most intimate moments. It is also an important point to know when to you walk away from something toxic. This applies far beyond just your relationship with your peers. Toxic people rear their heads in all wakes of life. Knowing how to identify and remove these people from your life is useful in all parts of life, but more importantly- learning how to let go. You see, you don't just learn from your own relationships, but how your friends feel in theirs. It is so painful to watch someone waste their time with someone who from your standpoint just isn't worth it. Sometimes it's hard to see, but this skill is indispensable when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Some good ways to spot toxic people around you are here.

In dating, I've learned how to communicate better, but beyond my relationship, I can apply these things to make me the best version of myself I can be. Relationships show you that it's ok to not be ok. Sometimes your partner can have a bad day, but sometimes it's your coworker, your classmate or boss. This sets up our fight or flight instincts with people we trust. It helps us to think on the fly. When you get into an argument, how do you react? Something about what your partner says can really get under your skin, because as partners we trust each other, and we say, I can be myself around you. We act differently around our significant others and that's because we have boundaries with people. During the course of any given relationships, you find yourself making and putting up boundaries, not walls. Walls come up when someone breaks your trust, hurts you, or makes you have other reasons to put them up, and in the workplace and other places it's applicable. Knowing when to have those boundaries up and with who is important. For those looking for guidance on healthy boundaries, here is a good start.

On to the principles that are helpful to guide you in what you are doing- look at: How would I feel if my partner did this to me? How would my partner feel if I did this to them? Do I feel like I have to hide what I'm doing? If you find yourself cringing at the result of these hypothetical questions, then you are probably in the wrong. These ethics apply to your romantic relationships and your professional ones. This is where the healthy boundaries come in, and to go into detail as to what that means- it means we can say, No, I'm not comfortable with that. Sometimes it's not easy to say no to things even though you know you shouldn't. In the professional world, there are ethics that need to be upheld. Your boss trusts you not to leak secrets of your company to competitors, or just jump ship to another company. How you act in your relationship is a reflection of who you really are.

Relationships can be on the end of good or bad scales and anywhere in between. Each of these is a learning experience for us and our partners, and knowing the difference can help you when you are looking for more serious relationships. When you are looking for true love, having the experience of previous relationships can be helpful, even if they are not good relationships. Later on, this can mean the difference between losing your cool and staying calm and supportive, and more importantly, it helps you set up important boundaries with people around you. Boundaries, go hand in hand with ethics. You often form habits from relationships and they carry over into your personal life. Everyone is different in what they have as boundaries, but having healthy ones can make you can separate you from being a healthy and mature partner, and the alternative. Learning how to react to conflict and deal with it, can mean the difference between losing your cool in your workplace and not. Learning how to listen can help you be there for your friends and vice versa. Most importantly, it's ok to make mistakes, so long as you can learn from them, and these skills can make you both a better friend, a better lover and a better professional.