I'm the type of person who plans everything in advance. I'm the type of person who has a set plan for the next three years of my life. I'm not spontaneous. I don't handle uncertainty very well. I usually opt out of last-minute plans because not feeling prepared for things makes me feel so out of control and panicked.

I had a lot of plans for the rest of this semester and for my summer. I was going on a service trip to Birmingham for Spring Break. I was going back to Athens after that and had the important dates for the rest of the semester written in my planner. My brother was going to visit me for the first time. My mom was going to visit me for my birthday, and I would celebrate with all my friends. I'd finish the semester and start the most exciting summer of my life in Vietnam for a two-month internship. Then I'd go to Israel. Then I'd go to Europe for two weeks. Then I'd come home and drive back to Athens for the start of my third year.

Everything was planned, and then it all fell apart.

Coronavirus spread, and my time in Birmingham was cut short. Then I had to quickly grab what I needed from my dorm and go home for two weeks of quarantine. Then two weeks became the rest of the semester. Then my internship got canceled. Now, I have no idea what to do as I wait for the rest to be canceled, too.

I started cleaning. My room, my bathroom, the pile of my art supplies sitting in a corner of my house, my music into new playlists. It was the chaos I could control, unlike everything else going on.

I started reading for fun again and posting about it on Instagram to have quasi book club meetings in my DMs with other people who have read the same books.

I started going on walks with my mom and helping cook and looking up new recipes to try out because now my family will have to be my guinea pigs.

I let myself be sad and angry and overwhelmed and confused and every other emotion I was feeling before accepting that it is what it is. At the end of the day, there are far worse things than being home with the people I love and who love me for a few months.

Things fell apart, and that absolutely sucks. It's a terrifying time full of confusion and fear and paranoia and anxiety. Things fall apart all the time and it's okay to be angry and upset when they do.

But it's also okay to embrace the chaos and use the time to learn new skills or do the things you didn't have time to do before or better yourself or do group Skype calls with your friends so you can quarantine together for hundreds of miles away.

Things fall apart, but it's not the end of the world. And that's something that I'm struggling with but learning to embrace at the same time.