We’ve all been there: stuck in a situation we don’t deserve to be in, wondering where it all went wrong.

We’ve all spent too much time studying for a test only to receive a grade we are less than pleased with.

We’ve all missed out on opportunities and looked back, thinking “that could have been so much easier, had I only ______.”

What comes next, after an unfortunate event, is human nature.

We begin to formulate excuses.

We come up with reasons why whatever we planned didn’t turn out like it should have, in an attempt to make ourselves feel better, and to not come off as incompetent to our peers.

But we get so caught up in coming up with excuses, that we forget the most important process of failure.

We forget to move on.

We get so busy trying to grapple with the past, that we are halted from making progress; we are halted from the growth everyone tells us will result from failure.

So I challenge you to take all your excuses and leave them at the door. They are not guests you should welcome to your dinner table. Goals and plans of action should be the guests of honor at your table.

Admitting that maybe you had something to do with your self-proclaimed misfortune is much more admirable than placing blame on extrinsic factors.

Taking your downfalls upon yourself to some degree proves to the world that you control your life.

Constant excuses portray that you let life control you.

So the next time you get a bad grade even after working relentlessly, figure out what it is you haven’t been doing.

You’re not superman, you can’t have truly done it all, even if you truly did do your best.

You haven’t tried every approach or looked at a problem from every angle. Define the new approaches, and take them. Don’t waste time throwing yourself a pity party.

If this seems a bit harsh, it’s time for some tough love.

No one cares about what you did to not quite achieve a goal. They only start caring about the process when you actually achieve said goal.

If you messed up a friendship, and after constant efforts to restore it, you end up empty handed, don’t grasp for flaws of the other person and then shout them to the world. We’ve all done it, but it is not healthy nor is it productive.

Instead, think “How will I do better this time with the friendships I am blessed enough to have in this present moment?”

If you lost an award to a less qualified candidate, there is no point in continuously discussing the faultiness of the judges or the stupidity of the award itself. There is a point in considering why you were going after the award in the first place, and what you can do to improve yourself as a result.

Excuses don’t save your reputation from crumbling; they define you as someone who “could have done better if adversity didn’t present itself,” instead of someone who acknowledges obstacles and then kicks adversity in the ass.

If you want to be kickass, you’re going to have to kick all the excuses you’ve created out, and welcome in an attitude of tough love and self-improvement.

As a result, you will see plentiful growth and a life in which you are in the driver’s seat rather than one in which you are watching helplessly as everything comes crashing down.