I’ve always been a worrier.
Even when I was little, I was more concerned with following the rules than being mischievous or having fun. Don’t get me wrong- I still have had an amazing life full of fun and memories, but with an extra helping of worry on the side.
I took school rules very seriously, and on the rare occasion I got in trouble at school, I was devastated and in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
Yes, I’m also a pretty dramatic person, so that could attribute to this reaction. I also have struggled with being paranoid about what other people think of me- if I offended someone with a joke, or looked at them the wrong way.
This is an exhausting way to live. Constant worry about if this person thinks I’m weird or if I smiled in a creepy way at a stranger is not a way to live.
On the worst days, I would just lay in bed at night overthinking every little thing I had done throughout the day until I fell asleep with all that worry on my mind.
For years, I thought I was the only person who was like this, and that it is just who I am, but as I have gotten older, I have realized that everyone has this insecurity in them. We just handle it in different ways.
I think the first moment I realized I was wearing myself out with all the worrying was in my freshman year of high school.
I was fortunate to go to an amazing high school where we were taught to be confident with our weird selves, so I had begun to learn what a more worry-free version of myself was. I wanted to be that person. The person who is so confident and is so true to herself that it rubs off on everyone else.
I started to laugh a little louder, tell more jokes, and be more open with people. I didn’t care as much if people thought my humor was weird because it made me happy. I began to live by my own motto: as long as I am not hurting others and being true to myself, there is no reason to worry.
I began to make friends with people who accepted me for who I am. I was drawn to those people I once admired from a distance- the confident, funny people who aren’t afraid to say what’s on their mind. They became my closest friends.
I wish I could say that from that point on, the mentality of not worrying about the little things stuck with me, but it’s not that simple.
To this day, I have moments where I doubt myself and worry about a comment I made that might’ve been interpreted wrong, or if I annoyed a friend with my burst of hyperactivity.
But then, I take a breath and think about all the important things in life. Life is short, and things can change so quickly that worrying about silly little things is a waste of time. Instead of living in the past, I make an active effort to just be present and only worry about the things I can actually change.
This mentality has made me a stronger and more confident person, and I am now able to focus on things that actually impact me and make me a better person.
So, let’s stop worrying about the dumb little things, live in the present, and look forward to more days full of laughter and confidence. Trust me, it’s much less exhausting.