For as long as I can remember, my grandmother and I have always been really close in our family. I have recently discovered that there was more to her life than what had been discussed growing up.
I always try to give people the 'benefit of the doubt' however it can only be used to certain extents. The first person I think of when I have exciting news or an issue, is go to my grandma. We have such a huge bond, and I always know she has my best interest at heart and will offer me the best information possible.
Everyone should have a fallback person, and in this case it has always been my grandma. The best part about a fallback person as that they are always trustworthy and you tell each other every detail, in exchange for wise advice. The only problem is... that trust was recently lost. Not from me, but from her. My grandmother had been hiding a huge secret from not only me, but the entire family.
Someone on Facebook messaged my cousin asking if they knew who my grandmother was. My cousin responded and said "yes that's my grandmother, why do you ask?"
She responded saying "I think she might be my mother, can you answer a few questions to make sure that it is"
At first, my cousin thought this person was crazy and that she had the wrong family, but after verifying with my grandmother, it was true.
For her entire life, she didn't tell anyone that she had a baby at the age of 19 and gave it up for adoption before starting her life and family.
As a grandchild who is very close with their grandmother, you would think this is something that would be discussed at some point in my life. I trusted my grandmother, and I fully understand that this secret is not a very easy topic to explain to someone.
Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I can just imagine the guilt that's built up over the years, and she couldn't bare telling her children and grandchildren that she got pregnant at such a young age, as well as giving the child up for adoption.
Trust is something very important in any relationship. Finding out this information not from my grandmother is what upset me. I am by no means upset that I have an aunt somewhere out there in this world, but I was never informed until now. This situation in its entirety has made me feel like she didn't trust me enough to tell me. I blamed myself for not being there for my grandma to talk about the situation over my lifetime. She had always been my fallback person, I thought she felt the same about me. What could I have done to have her tell me the full truth? I would've loved to learn more about her life and help her cope with having a daughter that she has never met.
Bottom line, everyone has secrets, some are bigger than others, and some secrets come out in different ways. You should always treat everyone with respect, because you never know what they have gone through or what they have experienced in their lifetime. Trusting someone doesn't always mean you're going to get everything out of someone, especially something this big.
Learning to gain trust back from someone you care for so much isn't that hard as you'd think. But I'm hoping from here on out that all things shared between us are open and honest.