One year ago today, it was often that many of my friends might have found me intolerable. That’s because one year ago today, we were in the midst of what might have been the most contentious presidential election cycles in American history, and I had a firm belief that the outcome would directly impact a large amount of Americans.

Armed with what I felt were well-developed stances and policy critiques, I ventured into the local discourse, espousing my views on social media and amongst my friends, ready to make a difference. And yet despite all of my efforts, I don’t think I changed one mind. I missed the most important part of dialogue – listening.

I don’t think my mistakes were isolated – rather, I think they were very similar to those of many other Americans both then and now. We have strong views about what is right and wrong, and we simply refuse to hear anything different.

I’m not going to argue that there isn’t a true right and wrong at times – I fully believe that there can be. But when Election Day came and I realized that all my Facebook platforming was for naught, I remembered one of the biggest lessons I’ve ever learned.

People often won’t hear you unless you listen to them first.

From Dale Carnegie to Nelson Mandela, leaders in various arenas and various time periods have firmly grasped this point and profited from applying it. If we only talk at people rather than converse beside them, we can essentially come off as if we see their opinion and their experience as worthless.

Of course, listening can be insincere, and that’s not the kind to which I am referring. When we listen to the people with whom we disagree, we allow ourselves a chance to understand their position. Even with those whose viewpoints are objectively and certainly wrong, we can start to understand why they might have adopted that viewpoint – as the psychologist Alfred Adler suggested, all behavior is purposeful. People arrived at their conclusions for a reason.

There is another significant reason to listen to those with whom we disagree, and it may be the most difficult reason of all. If we truly stop to hear those challenging viewpoints, we might find that our own was the incorrect one. Though I still stand firm on most of my political beliefs from last fall, I try to enter conversations with an open mind. It’s not about me trying to justify what I believe; it is about me seeking the truth.

The above reasons for listening before speaking are practical, but they don’t get at the core of the issue.

The truth is, we all are a product of different experiences. We may share the same world, the same country, even the same hometown, but a million different scenarios have impacted our lives and distort our vision of right and wrong.

I’m not saying that we should keep our views to ourselves – quite the opposite. I still feel very strongly about many issues, and I believe that there are many situations in which protest is entirely justifiable and indeed, called for. Listening is not always the best move. But if we are to overlook that all-too-valuable sense of hearing, we may find that we are simply in a cycle of power struggles.

Our point of view may indeed be the right one. But few people will listen if we don’t hear them first.