I can go on for hours, maybe even days of the hurts that others have caused me, and I bet that others could go on for weeks on the hurt I've caused them. The truth is that pain in this life is inevitable. Hardships are to be expected, loss is to be welcomed, and pain sticks closer than most friends do.

I have never really been the one to apologize first, it's something I'm still learning to do. Understanding fully that I don't have the right to say I didn't offend someone when they felt offended. Growing up in church one of my close leaders used to tell me, "In Ministry, sometimes you have to cater to people's feelings." Truthfully I always resented him for that statement. I didn't understand it. I thought he was saying I had to be a doormat for others' sensitivity. But really he was trying to say I have to meet people where they are instead of treating them based on where I think they're at.

Because truthfully, we are all broken in so many ways. Some of us wear our insecurities out loud as other cover it well. Some of us are bold and fearless and other are timid and reserved. Both are a product of our pain and environment. I don't know if pain gets easier, I think we just become more tolerant. Like heartbreak doesn't become less excruciating, we just become more numb.

Apologies are just words spewed from peoples' mouths. The same mouths they curse us with are the same ones that utter "I love you." "I'm sorry" holds a lot of power for some people. It has the ability to set them free and release them.

In reality, we have to learn how to forgive without the apology and forgive people who aren't sorry. The power we willingly place in others' hands when we don't forgive. It gets to the point that the apology is worth more than the offense. That we don't care to rectify but rather validate and soothe our emotions.

Sorry doesn't change the pain and knowing doesn't eradicate the loss. The truth can only set you as free as the chain you loosen after hearing it. We love to think knowing the truth will help ease our woes but all it does is give it a name. So we attack the symptom instead of the sickness. We'd rather cut the branches than the root because snapping a branch takes less effort than digging up a root.

I don't like pain, I don't like heartache, I don't like the feeling of loss, and I don't like the feeling of incompleteness. But I am learning how to not let others hold a place of pain in my life where love should be. Pain isn't the ending of the healing process, but the beginning.

Forgiveness isn't optional, it's mandatory.