After giving it some thought, I’ve decided to opt out of a traditional therapist in favor of the advice of several thousand blades of grass.
Given that I’m a complete and utter mess of a human being, I suppose it’s not entirely unfeasible that some cash exchange for mental stability was on the horizon — the bit about me finding that help from a bunch of green pipe cleaners, well, that part was a surprise.
Let me be clear real quick in saying that it’s not like I commune with the grass or speak to it in any way — I’m chopping off the upper half of its body, so I feel like that would be in poor taste. I’ve been hired to landscape three separate properties this summer, a total of over 12 acres per week of mowing, edging, mulching, lifting, planting, power washing, and clipping confetti all for a reasonable hourly wage.
What can I say? I’m clearly living the high life.
I don’t exactly have a passion for greenery, nor is it something I would like to pursue as a future career in order to become the king of all things reeking of gasoline, but I am beyond thrilled to have been given these wonderful 522,720 square feet of pure, unadulterated distraction. I’m actually getting paid for my own personal form of therapy.
I’m clearly living the high life.
My brain is obnoxious in that I cannot make it stop thinking at approximately thirty-four million miles per hour, so I’ve been on the hunt to find solutions that will help my head just relax (it has even gotten to the point where I can hardly sleep at night since my brain is basically busy arguing with itself into the wee hours of the morning). I’ve tried knitting, reading, meditation — pretty much everything aside from shoving lavender and essential oils up my nose. What I have found that has worked surprisingly well is mowing.
There’s something about the physical labor and creative patterns and solutions that can be drawn from those few hours of being covered in liquid human repellent; it just works. Not only are you getting a gentle workout, catching some vitamin D, experiencing meditation through repetition, completing a task, and getting paid to complete that task, but you also have an excuse to listen to some glorious podcasts (I’m personally partial to The Black Tapes, Welcome to Nightvale, and Creepypasta Compilations, but to each their own).
Researchers have even discovered that “eau du mow” (i.e. the smell of freshly mown lawn) has the extraordinary ability to make people feel happy and relaxed. The feel-good chemicals released by the lush vegetation improve the functionality of the hippocampus (memory) and amygdala (emotion) of the brain. Those areas are intricately connected to the endocrine system, or what is better known as stress hormone central. By exposing these two sections of the brain to the natural chemicals released by freshly-cut grass, you are reducing the release of stress hormones like corticosteroids, thereby aiding in your overall well-being in ways that other activities simply cannot.
Cutting grass SCIENTIFICALLY makes you HAPPY.
Folks, this is the holy grail right here.
So if you’re looking for a different way to convince your brain synapses to take a flippin’ chill pill, get outside and cut some lawns. Not only is it a healthy, natural solution to any mental problems that lurk during the sluggish summer months, but you’re doing something, which is always better than doing nothing.
Just don’t stick your hands near the blades.