When are we too old for relationship labels?

I Shouldn't Have To Call Someone My Boyfriend For Them To Take The Relationship Seriously

No matter what you call it, it's still a relationship.

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So, say you meet a guy or girl and you guys hit it off. Actually, you guys have been hitting it off for, let's say, four months. Too short? Maybe six? (If we get too far, my point will have been lost). At first, you guys were taking things slow and transitioning into exclusivity but now, it's just the two of you. You both are fully aware and completely trusting of the other.

But now what? You guys aren't boyfriend and girlfriend? The only talk you two had was about being exclusive. But what is exclusive? Ideally, it's focusing on just each other, but not boyfriend and girlfriend. Because these are two labels that you aren't ready for, but you're entirely ready for what comes with the labels. Let's say you have or have not met the parents, but what is that to you nowadays? You have each other over for family events and what not. But the moment someone asks if you are dating someone or in a relationship, you quickly shut that down. "But I saw you with ____ the other day?" "Yeah, we've been seeing each other." Okay? But you guys are exclusive to seeing each other, right? You both are expecting so much from each other and the "relationship" but you won't give it the credit it deserves?

Oh yeah, and don't forget, social media cannot know about them yet. All your friends and family have met them, but social media is a no-go. Why? Some would say "hoes" and maybe others are protecting themselves from getting hurt and/or embarrassed, but personally, I'd go with the former choice.

I think the world of dating now has become so complex that not even I, an almost 22-year-old, can keep up with. And I think, what exactly has become so hard about it? I get the trial period of a relationship to see if you two are somewhat compatible. I just don't get the lengths of them and I think people are a bit too dramatic about the length nowadays. First, you have to make sure you like them enough to be exclusive, then spend the next few months making sure everyone else in your life likes them. Then you spend a few months taking trips together or even going through a period of which you see each other on a different level. But after everything has become comfortable between you two, when is enough, enough? When you guys are getting into the everyday routine of a relationship, when do you actually call it a "relationship?"

If you are spending most weekends with someone, meeting (or not meeting, not a specific criterion for some) their family, going on various dates with them, communicating throughout the day, meeting all (or any) of their close friends, being each other's emotional support, sleeping together, and going on trips with them to places that are at least an hour outside of you two's range; I'm sorry to say this, but you two are boyfriend and girlfriend (I feel like I'm in 6th grade again saying these words), you are in a relationship with one another, and that shouldn't have to be communicated. I understand there should be some sort of talk between the transition of you two cutting yourselves off from the dating world, but is that not enough? Are effort and time not enough for you to think that maybe you guys are actually a thing without having to have that conversation?

This thinking is either old-school or unrealistic or maybe a bit of both? To be fair, I am a very up-front kind of person and maybe that's my downfall when I muse on the idea of dating. If I am doing all of the aforementioned things, you and I are dating and I don't want to feel as if I have to hold your hand and baby you by calling you "boyfriend" for you to take me seriously. So, when are we all too old to have to use labels for us to take each other seriously?

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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To The Girls With The Broken Hearts

Don't stop moving...

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You can't breathe, you can't think, you've lost all your energy.

All you can think about is... you weren't enough, you weren't worth the wait or worth fighting for.

You feel like it was all you and you had to change even if deep down you know you did your part and did everything you could to be "perfect" for him.

You can even see the wrongdoings of the one who won't be named, but you won't justify his actions, maybe because you just see good in him or you're afraid of him leaving or maybe because he manipulated you into thinking he wasn't in the wrong and his feelings matter more than yours. Maybe he just didn't want you, so he made an excuse.

You let go and leaned on him and got attached and now you're trapped underneath with what it seems like the world crumbling down on top of you with every breath you take.

You probably keep asking yourself "why" or "it doesn't make sense."

You probably feel like or have been told you weren't worth their time, and you convinced yourself that maybe it's true without even realizing it. It'll be hard to break this cycle and only time will heal... you probably hate this saying as much as I do because I don't know how much time I need, and I want time to happen now...

But you have to move on and keep pushing forward. You can't give up and slump deeper into the ditch you made for yourself. You're young and have way more things to worry about than a stupid, unworthy college boy, definitely not a man, who couldn't see your worth.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy. It's going to hurt for a while but you can't just do nothing; you've got to do something. Keep moving even if that means just going outside in the sun just to sit and listen to the birds or people walking, or praying, or taking a long hot devil shower, or working out... you can't stop moving.

Don't let him win.

And one day you'll be able to breathe and open your eyes with a bright smile, and you'll stand up straight again. You'll find someone or something that knows your worth and that makes you feel worthy.

One day is close by... don't give up.

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