When I was 13, I was on a church trip when all of a sudden, over the next 2 weeks, my face began to paralyze. My mouth and my eye on the left side drooped, my left ear began hurting constantly while I also lost some hearing, I couldn't taste anything on the left side of my mouth, and all in all my self-confidence plummeted.
This is what is called Bell's Palsy. Bell's palsy is a condition that is caused when the central nerve in one side of your face inflames, or swells, causing it to stop working. This condition can last anywhere from two weeks, to permanently. Unfortunately for me, mine is permanent. As I've graduated high school and started college I've realized how bad of an attitude I have had about this whole thing. When I started noticing the changes in my face, my self-confidence and feeling of self-worth decreased, and as a girl in high school, everything seemed to get worse from there.
I began talking horribly about myself. Throughout this time I was also diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder, so you know that can't make any of this better. I have so many friends that try to make me stop treating myself so horribly and somehow I just can't make myself stop.
One of the hardest things I deal with is looking in the mirror. I've heard that you are your worst enemy, and when I see myself, that statement becomes so true. What I've noticed lately though is how angry my friends get when I keep on and keep on. I've found myself searching for acceptance in a guy's eyes or in the eyes of someone who shouldn't matter. Some of my closest friends have begun to feel like they aren't good enough to help me and it's ultimately my fault.
Although they constantly say "You're beautiful" or "You're so amazing" I never take that compliment. I brush them off and keep talking about how awful I am and it causes so much tension in my relationships.
Another thing I've noticed is that when you have that bad of an attitude about yourself, no-one wants to be around you, and that includes guys too. We talk about how much we hate ourselves and don't pay attention to how others react to that. When people say you have to love yourself before anyone else can, it is so true.
You have to find the light in your own eyes before someone else can. You have to know when to stop because if you don't, you will push so many people away. You'll be even more miserable than ever.
Now I know that all of this is easier said than done, trust me, but in Psalms 139:14 we are called "Fearfully and wonderfully made." We are made in God's image, and God doesn't make mistakes.