Knowing When To Stop Is One Of The Hardest Things To Do

Knowing When To Stop Is One Of The Hardest Things To Do

"One of the hardest things I deal with is looking in the mirror."

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When I was 13, I was on a church trip when all of a sudden, over the next 2 weeks, my face began to paralyze. My mouth and my eye on the left side drooped, my left ear began hurting constantly while I also lost some hearing, I couldn't taste anything on the left side of my mouth, and all in all my self-confidence plummeted.

This is what is called Bell's Palsy. Bell's palsy is a condition that is caused when the central nerve in one side of your face inflames, or swells, causing it to stop working. This condition can last anywhere from two weeks, to permanently. Unfortunately for me, mine is permanent. As I've graduated high school and started college I've realized how bad of an attitude I have had about this whole thing. When I started noticing the changes in my face, my self-confidence and feeling of self-worth decreased, and as a girl in high school, everything seemed to get worse from there.

I began talking horribly about myself. Throughout this time I was also diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder, so you know that can't make any of this better. I have so many friends that try to make me stop treating myself so horribly and somehow I just can't make myself stop.

One of the hardest things I deal with is looking in the mirror. I've heard that you are your worst enemy, and when I see myself, that statement becomes so true. What I've noticed lately though is how angry my friends get when I keep on and keep on. I've found myself searching for acceptance in a guy's eyes or in the eyes of someone who shouldn't matter. Some of my closest friends have begun to feel like they aren't good enough to help me and it's ultimately my fault.

Although they constantly say "You're beautiful" or "You're so amazing" I never take that compliment. I brush them off and keep talking about how awful I am and it causes so much tension in my relationships.

Another thing I've noticed is that when you have that bad of an attitude about yourself, no-one wants to be around you, and that includes guys too. We talk about how much we hate ourselves and don't pay attention to how others react to that. When people say you have to love yourself before anyone else can, it is so true.

You have to find the light in your own eyes before someone else can. You have to know when to stop because if you don't, you will push so many people away. You'll be even more miserable than ever.

Now I know that all of this is easier said than done, trust me, but in Psalms 139:14 we are called "Fearfully and wonderfully made." We are made in God's image, and God doesn't make mistakes.

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You Are NOT Enough

We will never be enough, but God is always more than enough.

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Society and even the church seem to constantly encourage us with the saying "You are enough," and their intentions behind this statement are totally innocent. Something about this phrase has always bothered me, though, but I never understood why. In a sermon I heard one Wednesday night a week or so ago, the verses Proverbs 30:7-9 were used, and these verses stood out to me in a big way.

Proverbs 30:7-9

7 "Two things I ask of you, Lord;
do not refuse me before I die:
8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
9 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the Lord?'
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.

The speaker was specifically focusing on verses 7-8, but the Holy Spirit kept drawing me to verse 9, even days and weeks after. So I decided to dig into it. This verse focuses on Agur (the speaker in the passage) and his tendency to sin. When he asked God to provide "only [his] daily bread," and then when he continued on to speak about the specific sins he was afraid of committing, Agur was completely and wholly surrendering his struggles with temptation and sin to God, because Agur knew he couldn't do it on his own.

Aren't we all like Agur? Because we are human, we mess up all the time and fall into sin more than we would like to admit, and many times because of this, we fall into guilt and shame. This is because, on our own, we aren't enough. If we were enough on our own, we wouldn't sin. If we were enough on our own, we would be able to save ourselves. If we were enough on our own, we wouldn't need God. But none of those statements are true, are they? In fact, it is the exact opposite because God is enough, he calls us out of sin. Because God is enough, He sent Jesus to save us from our sin. Because God is enough, He is with us in every situation because we call to Him.

How do we know that we aren't enough? Because no one is!

Every human sins, even great heroes of faith. David, one of the most well-known biblical figures: the one who killed Goliath and one of the ancestors of Jesus Christ, said in Psalm 51:5--

Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

The beauty in realizing that you aren't enough on your own is that you don't have to be! Never in the Bible does God call us to be "enough!" He never expected us to be enough because it is impossible. God does call us to depend on Him, though. This is because God is ultimately more than enough. When we depend on God to help us keep away from sin and put in the work necessary to keep away from sin, it will be much easier. We will never be enough, but if we continuously search for our identity in worldly things and not Christ, we will be upset when we realize that we are not enough. Guess what, though, when we find our identity in what Christ says about us, we will find peace and hope because just like 2 Corinthians 12:9 says:

9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

God is the only one who is enough. When we depend on God for everything we will begin to see that HE is enough, and that's all we need.

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Moving Away From Your Hometown Is A Feeling Like No Other

This is all very new.

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I've lived in the same town my entire life. I graduated from a high school I went to since second grade. I've grown up with the same friends that I have now, even though I've lost some along the way.

All of that is about to change. I'm moving within the next month over two hours away from where I grew up and away from my family. For some this may be scary, but I can not tell you how excited I am. I see this as a blessing and a beautiful opportunity to get to know myself outside of the walls I grew up in.

I can not say that I'm not terrified. Understandably, moving to a new place into an apartment can be very scary for someone who has never experienced something like this before. I'm stressing about things that I have never had to worry about before.

I'm worrying about furniture, money, and what rug would match the decor better. Seems a bit silly, but this is all new to me. I need everyone to have a little patience with me or with anyone going through a major life change like this.

Putting all the stress aside I know this is a big change that could benefit me greatly. I can not wait to make memories in a new place outside of the walls I've built around my hometown.

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