We all wish that we could go back in time and warn our past selves about things in our future lives. As for me, there is one thing that I would tell my younger self about. I would let myself know that one day my mom wouldn't be around to see me live my adult life.
As a child, I would say that I had a pretty "normal" life. I had two loving parents, I was an only child, and had lots of friends. I wasn't shy, I had a wild imagination, and big dreams for myself. Of course, I never pursued acting like I had wanted to, but that's a different story.
Having the childhood that I did, my parents and I went travels together, we went to the movies and even attended some theater productions as a family. The bottom line: my parents and I were close.
During the first semester of my junior year in high school, things were going well. I was in the choir I had dreamed about being in, I was excited about the classes I was in, and friendships were going strong. That was, until December of that year.
My mom became sick and unexpectedly passed away. It is an emotional trauma that I still deal with today. But nonetheless, I journeyed on and grew from my experience. This was an event that punched me right in the face without any time for me to prepare. So, if I could go back in time, and tell my childhood self that this was coming, this is what I would say.
Cherish The Small Moments
Every time that you lay in bed with your mom, watching the news before getting ready for school, cherish that moment. Cherish every time that you'd see her volunteering in the library at elementary school. Cherish even the moments that she was upset with you because no one cared as she did.
Don't Take Her For Granted
This was something she would say a lot, but it's true. Don't take for granted her writing you notes on napkins in lunchboxes. Or notes on cards that she would place in your suitcase or pillow when going off to camp. Don't take for granted her cooking, because you only know how to cook basic meals. And please, don't take for granted her calling you sunshine anytime she gets, because that word will end up meaning the world to you someday.
Let Her Know That You Love Her Too
Something that I regret not doing enough is letting my mom know how much I loved her and how thankful I was for everything that she taught me. So, let her know that you love her laugh that you inherited from her. Let her know how much you love watching Turner Classic Films and learning about all the different film facts she knows. Remember watching the soap operas All My Children and One Life To Live? Let her know that you loved doing that with her. Let her know how thankful you were that she was open about puberty (I know, an odd subject) with you because it helped you become more of an open person. And, last but not least, remember to let her know how much you love her because you'll regret not saying it enough later on.
As for me in the present day, I would do anything to have these experiences back, to relive them all over again. Grieving is an ongoing process that I have been told will continue forever. Sometimes it will be easy, other times hard, but I know that whatever the universe holds, I will see my mom one day again.