In this election cycle, it's become clear that much of the country feels they are voting for the lesser of two evils. A choice between a flip-flopping panderer and a narcissistic, demagogue hardly seems like a choice at all. However, in times like this, I like to keep perspective. American politics today feels rotten, but hot damn, it's not 15th century crazy-French-King rotten. Enter, King Charles VI of France also known as Charles "the Mad."

As fractured as our political system is, at least checks and balances exist. I can be confident that if the President started pissing blue and foaming at the mouth, someone would step in. Not so with divinely ordained kings. As soon as the crown was placed on their head, there was very little they couldn't do. Charles' was eleven at his coronation. At that age, I mostly hit stuff with sticks and tried not masturbate. Charles VI was struggling to attain full power, resisting a council of corrupt dukes and probably trying not to masturbate. By the time he was twenty one, Charles' was on top.

Soon after, he found himself leading a campaign to Brittany in order to capture and royally fuck up a man who attempted to murder a close friend. The failed assassination unnerved Charles and he was in a fervor to come at the bro who so brazenly came at his best bro. He was disconnected and impatient to the point of fury. Eventually, on a brutally hot day, a leper ran up to Charles and screamed of coming betrayal. He continued to do so for a half-hour trailing behind the procession. This did not bode well because screaming treason at a mentally unstable King is a lot like a hypochondriac finding a lump. It's a slippery slope to crazy town. Around noontime, a page nodded off from the heat and dropped the King's lance. Charles' was so startled by the noise that a switch flipped. He charged into his own men and in an hour-long rampage, killed and wounded several of his party before falling into a coma.

After he recovered, there may have been a chance that Charles' various mental states could be handled. However, soon after all that wacky friend-murdering, Charles went to a wedding party. The celebrations featured men dressed in frayed linens held together with pitch and resin. There was also just tons of fire. One thing led to another and the King's brother's accidentally burned four people to death. As far as maintaining mental stability goes, watching people burn alive is most definitely towards the bottom of the list.

On second thought, he looks fine. Right?

From this point on, Charles would slip in and out of psychosis. There were episodes in which he could not recognize his wife or children nor could he remember his own name or that he was King. He ran wildly through his palace until collapsing in exhaustion. It happened so often that the entrance ways were walled up to prevent escape and embarrassment. Between 1395 and 1396 Charles was frequently convinced he was the dragon-slaying Saint George.

Pictured: Not Charles VI

He also hallucinated thousands of hot pokers jabbing into his skin and would howl in agony. He refused to sleep regularly and at one point did not bathe or change clothes for 5 months. When his servants broke into his chambers to force a bath, they found him infected with lice, pox and converted in his own shit. Even stranger, Pope Pius II wrote that Charles' was terrified that he was made of glass. It worried him so much that he had iron rods sewn into his clothes so as to not shatter.

Charles' mental states were completely unpredictable and it was never clear when he was descending into or recovering from an episode. It was increasingly difficult to get anything done and a power vacuum formed. However, Charles did find the time in 1394 to expel all the Jews from France. So yeah. There's that.

In the absence of authority, the queen and several corrupt, opportunistic dukes tried to run the country. By 1407, they had done so well that a civil war broke out and would not end for twenty five years. Taking advantage of the political turmoil and a shit-covered ruler, King Henry V of England invaded. He was enormously successful and forced the Charles to sign the Treaty of Troyes. Charles VI was now illegitimate, his son disinherited and his entire kingdom in the hands of France's long-time enemy. When Charles died in 1422, he left France stuck in a living nightmare.

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The next 6 months are going to be rough, but the next time you feel the country is about to take a nose dive, try to imagine life under King Charles VI. When he banished the Jews, pooped his pants, and went running down the hallway the French didn't yell "Impeachment!" They said, "yes, your Majesty."