Why Kindness Is The Best Defense To Heartbreak

Why Kindness Is The Best Defense To Heartbreak

Heartbreak warfare can be tough, but so are you.

It happens to everyone at some point, you get your heart broken by a friend or a significant other, or maybe even someone you were just getting to know.

The worst part about having a broken heart is that it requires you to face those feelings, and if you ignore them, then that only makes the situation worse. Personally, spending time outside and remembering that this is one little thing in the big event we call life helped me immensely this week.

"It hurts because it matters" – John Green

Moving on is a hard process. There is no easy way out, but you can do it. Humans are a species of habit and when this routine is interrupted, we are not exactly sure what to do. I did not have a routine with this person that I liked, but I did have my usual way of balancing classes, extracurricular activities and social events. And, I even started thinking of all the things that would happen once we started dating, but all this was thrown out the door into the trash.

The situation was so unexpected that I had no idea how to respond at first. I cried in my room, ate some cookies, called my mom and talked to my friends. Still, I felt horrible, and I just wanted this icky feeling to go away.

The hard part about being someone who loves without limits is that you invest so much into each relationship and friendship. You are always there for your friends and try everything in your power to help them be happy, but you also need to remember that you need to be happy too. And, not everyone is going to put the same amount of love and effort into relationships as you do.

Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are – John Green

I was really emotionally invested in this boy, and I guess I did not know how much I liked this kid until he started hanging out with another girl. Technically, we were not officially dating, but I thought we were starting to get to know each other pretty well, and I was excited and nervous whenever I saw him. But, that excitement quickly transformed into feelings of confusion and betrayal. He later apologized, but I still felt no closure on what had happened. Why was I still so sad and mad?

I kept asking myself “why” and “what if” questions, but those questions are the worst part of this healing process. They will keep you up until 3 a.m., trust me I know, but as I said earlier, you just have to let yourself face those feelings, or find an outlet to release them.

Friends and family are your best resources. Seriously, after I talked to this boy about what had happened, I went into my friend Max’s room and laid on his floor asking for advice. Afterwards, I felt so much better and actually slept through the night. Whether you can lie on a friend’s floor for hours or sit on their bed and eat Oreo cookies, find those people who will truly listen because talking about the situation will help you release some of those feelings you have been bottling up. These are the kinds of friends that are going to support you the most when you are at your worst, so they are going to give you fantastic advice.

While lying on the floor, my friend told me to take no shit. And, I took this motto and used it to start moving on. I decided to make some changes. I cleaned and rearranged my room, reorganized my desk and I have started spending a lot of time outside.

The support and love from my friends overwhelmed me, and I cannot thank them enough for making me feel better.

As for this boy, I have since cut off all communication. I think this is an important part of moving on because you are going to want to stalk them on Facebook and other social media platforms, or text them and ask them why they did it, but this will not help you. The most important thing is to remember that you are your own person and you are not defined by anyone.

Now, here’s why you respond with kindness. It makes you a better person, and you feel happier. You start the day with the mindset to “take no sh*t” and you put your sunglasses (also known as hater blockers) on to express your fabulous self. You go to class, learn all the things and really commit to extracurricular activities. All this will help distract your mind from thinking about "why" and "what if" questions, and will make you be a good student, friend and person.

Being kind and compassionate not only proves you are a bigger person, but it truly reminds you that this petty situation is exactly that—petty. And then, moving on does not seem so bad. You smile at strangers and they smile back, and you remember that there is so much more to life than this one instance. You have wonderful things to do in the world, now go do them.

Cover Image Credit: Zoë's photos

Popular Right Now

College As Told By Junie B. Jones

A tribute to the beloved author Barbara Parks.

The Junie B. Jones series was a big part of my childhood. They were the first chapter books I ever read. On car trips, my mother would entertain my sister and me by purchasing a new Junie B. Jones book and reading it to us. My favorite part about the books then, and still, are how funny they are. Junie B. takes things very literally, and her (mis)adventures are hilarious. A lot of children's authors tend to write for children and parents in their books to keep the attention of both parties. Barbara Park, the author of the Junie B. Jones series, did just that. This is why many things Junie B. said in Kindergarten could be applied to her experiences in college, as shown here.

When Junie B. introduces herself hundreds of times during orientation week:

“My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 1)

When she goes to her first college career fair:

"Yeah, only guess what? I never even heard of that dumb word careers before. And so I won't know what the heck we're talking about." (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 2)

When she thinks people in class are gossiping about her:

“They whispered to each other for a real long time. Also, they kept looking at me. And they wouldn't even stop." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When someone asks her about the library:

“It's where the books are. And guess what? Books are my very favorite things in the whole world!" (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 27)

When she doesn't know what she's eating at the caf:

“I peeked inside the bread. I stared and stared for a real long time. 'Cause I didn't actually recognize the meat, that's why. Finally, I ate it anyway. It was tasty...whatever it was." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When she gets bored during class:

“I drew a sausage patty on my arm. Only that wasn't even an assignment." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 18)

When she considers dropping out:

“Maybe someday I will just be the Boss of Cookies instead!" (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 76)

When her friends invite her to the lake for Labor Day:

“GOOD NEWS! I CAN COME TO THE LAKE WITH YOU, I BELIEVE!" (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 17)

When her professor never enters grades on time:

“I rolled my eyes way up to the sky." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 38)

When her friends won't stop poking her on Facebook:

“Do not poke me one more time, and I mean it." (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 7)

When she finds out she got a bad test grade:

“Then my eyes got a little bit wet. I wasn't crying, though." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 17)

When she isn't allowed to have a pet on campus but really wants one:


When she has to walk across campus in the dark:

“There's no such thing as monsters. There's no such thing as monsters." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 12)

When her boyfriend breaks her heart:

“I am a bachelorette. A bachelorette is when your boyfriend named Ricardo dumps you at recess. Only I wasn't actually expecting that terrible trouble." (Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl, p. 1)

When she paints her first canvas:

"And painting is the funnest thing I love!" (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 61)

When her sorority takes stacked pictures:

“The biggie kids stand in the back. And the shortie kids stand in the front. I am a shortie kid. Only that is nothing to be ashamed of." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 7)

When she's had enough of the caf's food:

“Want to bake a lemon pie? A lemon pie would be fun, don't you think?" (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed p. 34)

When she forgets about an exam:

“Speechless is when your mouth can't speech." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 54)

When she finds out she has enough credits to graduate:

“A DIPLOMA! A DIPLOMA! I WILL LOVE A DIPLOMA!" (Junie B. Jones is a Graduation Girl p. 6)

When she gets home from college:

"IT'S ME! IT'S JUNIE B. JONES! I'M HOME FROM MY SCHOOL!" (Junie B. Jones and some Sneaky Peaky Spying p. 20)

Cover Image Credit: OrderOfBooks

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Abortion Bans Are Only A Small Part Of The Republican War On Women

These bans expose the Republican Party for what it truly is.


This week, several states passed laws that ban abortion after six to eight weeks of pregnancy, before most women even know that they're pregnant. The most egregious of these is Alabama — the state has banned abortion except for in cases of danger to the mother. Exceptions in the cases of rape and incest were actively voted against by the state legislature. Under the new law, any doctor who is caught giving an abortion would be sentenced to 99 years in prison, and the woman would be charged with murder.

Apart from the fact that this explicitly violates the decision of Roe v. Wade (which is the point), this is only a small part of the slow but steady degradation of women's rights by Republicans in the United States. To anyone who believes that this is simply about people being "pro-life" or "saving the children," then tell them to look at what happens after the fetus is carried to term.

Republicans oppose forcing fathers to be involved in the lives of their children that were forcibly carried to term, desires to cut food stamps and make it more difficult to feed said child, cut funding for affordable housing to make it more difficult for them to find homes, cut spending to public education so these children can't move up the social ladder, and refuse to offer the woman or her child health insurance to keep them both healthy. What about efforts to prevent pregnancy? Republicans also oppose funding birth control and contraception, as well as opposing comprehensive sexual education. To them, the only feasible solution is to simply keep your legs shut. They oppose all of these things because it is, in their eyes, a violation of individual rights to force people to do something. The bill also makes women who get abortions felons, and felons can't vote. I'll let you finish putting those two together.

If you view it from this framework, it would seem like Republicans are being extremely hypocritical by violating the personal freedoms of pregnant women, but if you look at it from the view of restricting social mobility for women, then it makes perfect sense. The Republican dogma of "individual rights" and "personal responsibility" is a socially acceptable facade that they use to cover up their true intentions of protecting the status quo and protect those in power. About any Republican policy, ask yourself: does this disperse power or consolidate it? Whether it be education, healthcare, the environment, or the economy, Republicans love to keep power away from the average citizen and give it to the small number of people that they deem "deserving" of it because of their race, gender, wealth, or power. This is the case with abortion as well; Power is being taken from women, and being given back to men in a reversal of the Feminist Movement of the 1970s.

Republicans don't believe in systemic issues. They believe that everyone has the same opportunity to succeed regardless of what point they started. This is why they love capitalism so much. It acts as some sort of great filter in which only those who deserve power can make it to the top. It's also why they hate social policies; they think that helping people who can't help themselves changes the hierarchy in a negative way by giving people who don't "deserve" power, power. Of course, we know that just because you have money and power doesn't mean you earned it fair and square, and even if Republicans believe it, it wouldn't change anything because it wouldn't change how they want to distribute power.

In short, Republican policies, including abortion, leave the average American with less money, less protection, less education, worse health, less opportunity, fewer rights, and less freedom. This is NOT a side effect. This is the point. Regardless of what Republicans will tell you about "inalienable rights" and how everyone is equal, in reality, they believe that some people and groups are more deserving of rights than others, and the group that deserves rights the most are the ones "that will do the best with them." To Republicans, this group consists of the wealthy, the powerful, and the white — the mega-rich, the CEOs of large companies, gun owners and Christians.

So, who do Republicans think deserve power and give it to? People who look and think like them. This, however, begs the question: Who do they want to take it from?

Related Content

Facebook Comments