Do you ever get kind of nervous when your birthday rolls around? Not necessarily that it will be good or bad, but that maybe people won’t remember? Or that it won’t be as significant as you want it to be? When my birthday rolls around, I always think of something a wise man once said. Phil Dunphy.
It’s true. I think we learn it at a young age. You want to be the queen (or king) for the day, and have a feeling that absolutely everyone needs to remember this momentous occasion. You get unrealistic notions that maybe your friends will throw you a surprise party with hundreds of your closest friends, or that your boyfriend will take you to that uber-romantic restaurant. You wake up with the slight expectation that your friends will have a birthday breakfast buffet. Or that random people in your classes will know it’s your birthday, and will wish you the most beautiful birthday celebration!
For me, I don’t know when I stopped lowering my expectations. Rather, I don’t know that I lowered my expectations, or that I just didn’t care about having those grand gestures. I cared more about the people I spent my day with. Celebrating with those people who I felt genuinely valued me, and I genuinely valued them.
I have an early birthday in September, which always made it hard when entering a new environment - in high school or college, that first year was always hard. It was always two-ish weeks into the school year, and I had some pretty good friends, but not best friends. This past year, I had the good fortune of being able to celebrate my birthday in Copenhagen, where I’m studying abroad.
I didn’t want to make it into a big thing, but rather just wanted to have a relaxed celebration. I didn’t want to feel like I had to pick my favorite six people to celebrate with. I just wanted to be with the amazing people I had met so far, so I thought why not have a picnic? It’s easy, low key, and people could come and go as they pleased.
This, by far, was the best birthday I’ve had. Maybe it was the fact I was in a beautiful European city (it probably was), but it was also the fact that I was surrounded by wonderful humans that I’d only known for a few weeks, who cared enough to show up for me. I was surrounded by kind, thoughtful, and hilarious people in a park, eating some cheese and cake, and that was enough.
So maybe, next time for your birthday, think about what will really make you happy. Is it the event itself, or is it the people you’re surrounded by? Your birthday won’t always be all that you build it up to be in your head. And, sometimes, it will be even more, without you expecting it. Sometimes it will just be nice weather and incredibly sincere people. Maybe we don’t have to lower our expectations on our birthday, but just change our priorities.