Conversations with your friends usually go like this:
“So what exactly are you guys?”
“We're just friends, why?”
“Oh really? Cause it seems like more?”
“No seriously, we are just friends.”
Or some variation of that conversation at least… no one really knows what goes through your head when they ask. Heck, you don’t even know what to say or how to explain it to people when they ask. Here it is for you in words.
One day you finally started to let yourself like someone. Like really like someone. One day you allowed yourself to not care about what people would think. He was handsome, he was sweet, kind, smart… everything you had never experienced before.
Maybe it’s because you’re some hopeless romantic that has something picture perfect about relationships in your head (thanks Hollywood and Instagram couples that are #relationshipgoals), maybe it’s the sappy, lovey-dovey country music that gave you all the feels, maybe it’s some Meghan Trainor song that describes exactly how you feel (listen to "Just a Friend to You" then come back and tell me how much you relate to it), but one thing you know for sure is that you have never felt like this about anyone before.
You text and snapchat him all day without thinking twice about it. You wake up and fall asleep texting him. You eat meals together and hang out with each other almost 24/7. You know everything about each other, your quirks, what pushes your buttons, what makes you happy, angry and sad. You know about each other’s families and friends like you’ve known each other since you were in diapers.
Random compliments that make the other bashful are common, no one hugs you like he does. No one has kissed you like he does. You say you miss each other and you become cute with each other when it’s 4 a.m. and you are delusional or even when it’s a rainy Saturday afternoon and you are cuddling up to a movie. People say you are cute together, like you already act like a couple, but here’s the thing: you’re just a friend to him.
I know what you’re thinking, crazy to say that after experiencing all that, you aren’t a couple. "Just friends" don’t look at each other like that. "Just friends" don’t hold each other like that. "Just friends" don’t get butterflies like that, but maybe he’s not ready for a relationship and maybe you’re not either. To be honest, you both might be scared. Scared of heartbreak, scared of losing something that is dear to you.
There is a lot of unknown, but here is what you do know: you are in a friendship where you love his hugs, his smile, his acts of kindness and his laugh when you’re together. You fell in love with a friendship, and that is something to smile about.
Your heart may hurt because you want to be more than friends but you know your heart would hurt more if you lost that friendship. Maybe one day you’ll muster up the courage to say something, maybe someday you’ll pour your heart out, but maybe, for now, being just a friend is okay.
