To give you a little background, my Junior year of college was the hardest year of my life yet. While everything looked perfect from the outside, the truth is that I was crying out for help on the inside.
You know how it goes... everything worked out for me. I was attending college in one of the best cities in the US, was on the executive board of my sorority, as well as the largest philanthropic organization on my campus, but was still the emptiest I had ever been inside.
To me, gaining all of these positions meant that I would finally live out the vision of the college girl that I aspired to be for as long as I could remember. To me, all of these things meant that I was finally "making it" in the world. While I didn't do any of these things for the betterment of my name or selfishly, it felt as though I was attempting to run this race 1 million miles per hour in attempts to fill some type of void in my heart. I wanted to prove to everyone that I could do it, and that I was capable of balancing a job, 2 executive boards, and school all at once.
I had decided to change my major to accounting the year before and had been satisfied with my switch until I realized that it was not what my heart desired, but what my flesh desired. I wanted people to know that I was smart, that I was worthy, and that no man could tell me I wasn't as capable or as smart as them.
I began to enter my upper level accounting classes and as I began to advance, I felt my motivation dropping to an all time low. For the longest time I had convinced myself that my inner girl boss was going to finally show up and eventually live up to her hopes of becoming the CFO of a huge company. I wanted the world to look at me and think, "wow, she really does have it all!". I I thought if I worked my way up to eventually be a CEO or CFO, that my heart would be satisfied and wouldn't want anymore.
I remember the exact moment; I was crying to myself the night before my finance exam, finally admitting to myself that I knew that I was made for more. While I thought so highly of women in the finance and business industry, I realized that I had been reaching for something that wasn't fit for me at all. I had convinced myself that I was going to be a CFO and have CPA after my name. I wanted so badly for the world to see me as this figment of my imagination, and that person, afterall, wasn't me at all.
I love people, I love loving on people, and I wanted to break the barriers of who society tells me to be. I felt for so long that if I didn't follow all of the procedures and strict paths to get to a certain career, that I was doing it all wrong.
To make a long story short, I switched my major to marketing and decided to do this ultimately to pull me out of the pit that I had been in the past two semesters. While I have no idea where i'm going, I know that the Lord is going to place me where he sees fit, and not the mold that I try to shove myself into.
While it took me a while to realize, this struggle really did hep me to realize who I was born to be all along. I don't wanted to be be the person that society wants me to be, I want to be a person who makes ME proud. I streched myself as thin as I could go, in attempt for society to see me as worthy and capable. However, the truth of it all, is that the harder I tried to run the race, the more burnt out I got. I found my worth from what society told me I was supposed to be.
My encouragement for all of the girls out there that are struggling and attempting to prove themselves, is to JUST DO YOU BOO! You might not have that internship, that job, or that title, but the real treasure lies in the person that you become along the way.
To the girl who wants to eventually become a motivational speaker and empower women, DO IT! Work for it. Dont get that job or internship just because society tells you to, DO IT FOR YOU. To the girl who wishes to be a CFO, do it for you boo! Don't do it because someone else says you should, do it for you. Not for anyone else. For you.
You were made for more. You were made to live out that passion that The Lord has set in your heart. Don't run away from it, run straight towards it, even if you get burnt.
DO. YOU. BOO.