Everyone relies on their friends for different reasons, but one thing all friends have in common is turning to each other for some much needed relationship advice every once in awhile. As humans, we are quick to turn to our friends and brag about the positives in our relationships, but were also quick to vent about the negatives. Anyone in a relationship can probably recall a time they were venting to a friend and was given this not so helpful piece of advice: “If I were you, I would just break up with him/her,” and I am sure everyone else can recall a time that they gave that suggestion.
However, the problem with suggesting a break up as a solution to relationship problems is that it only makes things awkward between you and the person you’re talking to. Usually when friends confide in you about their relationship they are just looking for someone to listen and make them feel better. Yes, the person may ask you, as their friend, “what should I do,” but under no circumstance should you tell that person to break up with their significant other. (The only exception to this rule is if the person is suffering physical or emotional abuse from their partner).
There are two major reasons giving this piece of “advice” is a terrible idea:
- By suggesting a break up, you’ve just made it clear to the person you’re talking to that you do not like their significant other, or that you do not see any redeeming qualities in the person to suggest working things out as an option. So, If the person you’re talking to decides not to heed your advice they are going to feel awkward or uncomfortable opening up to you about their relationship in the future. This is not something you want to happen because it may prevent that person from turning to you in the event that they face a more serious problem.
- If by chance this person decides you’re right and a break up is the way to go, they may grow to resent you for suggesting it. Breakups are hard. This person may end up thinking that the relationship problems could have been worked out, but because they listened to you, they missed out on that chance. Now you’re blamed for their unhappiness, which isn’t actually your fault, but, you know, emotions.
No one wants either of these strains on a friendship, especially when it is a result of trying to make things better. But I get it, suggesting a break up is the easiest possible advice to give someone when it seems they are unhappy in their relationship because it can be hard to understand why someone might stay with a person that they constantly bicker with. However, chances are if you’re still suggesting a break up to your friends as a form of advice, you probably are not or never have been in love. Because the truth is, bickering and minor arguing is a healthy part of any lasting relationship.
If a friend turns to you for relationship advice the best thing you can do is just listen. Meddling in a person’s relationship will never end well.