I grew up in a pretty small city. While the size wasn't exactly small, someone, somewhere, knew one of another individual and you knew every destination by heart, no map needed. The crime rate was at an all time low and this city was ranked as one of the safest places to raise a family. You'd never believe anything could go wrong while living here.

When I was 11, social media, especially Facebook, was the new trend for all of us youngsters. Just admit it… We had all snuck on the computer at least once during bed time to chat with the other rule-breaking rebels. I'd sneak on A LOT to talk to one person in particular, my current boyfriend, "J." I thought his handsome looks were to die for, I couldn't believe how cute he was, so I clicked "add." He accepted it and we started talking just like that. He was 2 years older than me, but it felt as if we were twins. We had so much in common; I really felt something for this boy regardless if he was just a friend. We shared every moment together and went everywhere together. You could never separate us; it was my best friend and I against the world.

Losing our maternal grandfathers so close in timing both brought us together and pushed us apart. His girlfriend of 10 months left him the day of his grandfather's funeral; family that I thought would always have my back betrayed me the day mine passed away. Nothing was easy back then, especially being 12 and 14. I felt a sudden end come and hit me in the chest when he started dating this girl his junior year. She'd never let me talk to him, he always had her there when we hung out, I was just so empty. He ended up "sleeping" with her a few times in their relationship, along with 2 other girls later on, but kept that a secret. He wasn't mine, but it didn't stop the tears each and every time he'd find someone new. I thought he loved these people, I thought he was happy, so I slowly abandoned him. Why would he need me?

Of course when my pain from him healed with age and wisdom; something great happened. We finally started dating when I was 17, going on 18. I was graduating this year from high-school, had a good job, nothing could mess my day up- though my whole life was just beginning. He knew me better than I knew myself. He knew my favorite band, favorite skateboard brand, most loved food, him and I also believed in a lot of the same things. No religion, no politics, we were just free souls who have finally found each other. I was a virgin and he told me he was too. How perfect; him and I making love, being the first and last to have all of each other. The thoughts of a young virgin with a heart for the loveliest boy she knew. Things were going great- up until I had a dream about his most recent ex and him about to have sex. I woke up sweating like I just ran a marathon. I was so confused and my heart started to ache. I asked him about it and he lied straight to my face. I eventually had gotten proof and he had no choice but to be honest. We were getting better; this didn't stop us, not until I got a message from my nephew's best friend: "I just wanted to let you know that your man isn't a virgin. I dated this girl too and she cheated on me with a 21 year old. She told me about their sexual past. Be careful, take care." Is this a joke? A troll message? I quickly texted him and asked about it, jokingly and serious at the same time. He denied the accusation but for some reason, I couldn't let it go. I did more research and talked to a lot of our mutual friends. I eventually found some rather sickening information and then decided to ask him again. He didn't just admit to sleeping with one girl, he admitted to three of them.

Things weren't the same; I kept asking myself questions that I could not answer. "Why am I not good enough? Why'd he tell me he was a virgin? Why do I even care? Should I just leave him and find a new life back in my home country?" I didn't know what was about to head my way. I knew nothing, when I thought I knew everything. I was clueless of what the real situation was and nothing could've prepared me for what my ears were about to hear. We finally sat down and he told me everything. None of those words left my head and I don't know what was worse.

His first attacker, "E" forced his zipper down in her room and tried to give him oral sex, but got stopped when her dad bolted in and caught her in the act. She also slid his shorts down and got on top of him right on her front porch while he was trying to break up with her, then her mom came out screaming and asked if they were having sex. He tried to leave her again but she told him that she was going to kill herself and cut her wrists for the purpose of scaring him.

The second girl, "A" made him go with her and a friend of hers to "A"'s sister's house. He loved fish, so he wanted to see the different kinds her sister had. While they were there, she made her friend play the Wii while they checked on the fish. "A" then slammed the door behind them and asked if he wanted to have sex. He said no, but she didn't have open ears. She zipped his pants down and he got told that he's her boyfriend; he's supposed to do these things with her. She put a condom on him and got on top of him. "A"'s friend saved the day by knocking on the door asking if everything was okay. Later that night, he messaged her and told her how he felt about the situation. She apologized, but then did something similar not even a few days later. She forced him to perform oral sex on her and got very angry when he declined. He almost threw up while doing it from embarrassment and her lack of cleanliness. She was underage; he wasn't, so she'd always hold that against him. Her mom interrupted it and got furious. "A" was a Jehovah Witness and wasn't even supposed to be dating. He felt trapped, scared, confused, and worthless.

The very last girl, "C," was the worst of them all. She was an abusive one; verbally, emotionally, mentally and physically. She loved manipulating him; it could've been her career with how good she was at it. She lived 1.5 hours north of me, 2 from him. "C" would have her sister pick him up and would force him to stay at her house for weeks on end. He became very good friends with her brother. One night they decided to get drunk, and "C" decided to follow him to the room after he told her brother he was good to go. She kept rubbing on his penis, and when he rolled over or told her to stop, that's when she would roll him back over and resorted to restraining his hands. She put a condom on him, but he wouldn't stay hard so she took it off. She kept riding on top of him and he lied about cumming after what seemed like 2 hours so she'd finally get off. Then when he went downstairs one night to take a shower, she followed him and asked if they could have makeup sex. While he said no, she got very angry and then shoved him against the shower wall, took her clothes off, bent down in front of him and forced him inside of her. She was also underage, and she lied about getting raped before just to get revenge, so he didn't want to yell or try to get help. They all were like that. They were horny brats with no respect. "C" would bite him and leave deep scratches on him along with bruises. She also liked hitting him to get her way.

Call me a terrible person, but I didn't believe him at first. "How could they rape you? You got hard… AND you didn't stop them or push them away. Why?" Who I used to be is why more guys don't speak up about female-on-male rape. He never betrayed me, he never lied to me, he never hurt me, how could he? He was raped, used and embarrassed. When he'd tell them no, they'd ignore him and keep on going while he sat there shaking his head no. He would freeze and tense up and just silently shed a tear or two while those girls were doing their acts. They were just doing what they did best, being the manipulative and abusive scum of the earth that they all were. He only dated them to try and feel something. He was emotionally numb from the day his grandfather died until here on out. He was never happy, he hated his life; he even used to mutilate his whole body. They took advantage of his kindness like it was nothing and made him feel like his body wasn't a breath taking temple. They looked at him with no purpose, except to trespass and vandalize, nothing else. They had one agenda: Destroy instead of fix.

To this day I still have questions and break down. I can't believe someone so incredible has been this hurt. I can't believe people who've acted like such innocent saints were capable of such f**ked up actions. It's 2017 and I'm still happily in love with this boy. That will never change in 1,000 years. His body is the most beautiful piece of art I've ever laid my eyes on and I can't wait for the day we get married. What happened to him is not his fault, and I am doing my best to understand and help hold him together when flashbacks reappear. His life is still valuable, no matter what. I can't completely fix his wounds, I can't undo what happened, but I can sure cherish and adore him until the day my heart stops. Little signs of our love are everywhere, always has been, always will be.