My Journey With Anti-Depressants
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Health and Wellness

My Journey With Anti-Depressants

I have a chemical imbalance in my brain, and I allowed a doctor to help me.

My Journey With Anti-Depressants

If I could say one thing to my medication it would be, "Thank you."

Most people believe that going on medication for a mental illness is a sign of weakness, but I see it as a sign of strength. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. When something happens to me, no matter how big or small, my body releases the same amount of adrenaline. It releases the same amount if I get in a car accident or if I spill a glass of milk, and sometimes just randomly. Some days I wake up and I feel like I can't breathe. I am, I always am, but I still gasp for air.

At least I did. I used to wake up and feel that way.

I started trying medications when I was 19, two years ago. Almost to the day. January 4th. About six months ago I finally found one that works and I'm beyond happy. I can't even describe how I feel about this. I feel stable. I feel healthy. There are some pros, definitely many pros, and there are some cons.

Before I get too far into that, I think it's important to say that my medication didn't change who I am. My medication changed my chemical makeup so I could be my best self. My medication made it so that I am no longer too anxious to wake up in the morning. My medication made it so that I can go to my therapy sessions and make progress with my depression. My medication helped me get where I am today, but it did not change who I am.

I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and depression. This made things difficult, especially when I started college. I was anxious all the time. I'm not exaggerating. I was anxious when I woke up, while I ate meals, when I was in class, walking back from class, with my friends, in the shower... all the time. My anxiety just made my depression worse and I stopped going to class. I stopped hanging out with friends. I stopped seeing my psychologist. I wasn't healthy.

A friend worried about me. My mom worried about me, and my teachers asked if they could help. A friend encouraged me to see a counselor on campus, and I did. She immediately suggested medication, which was something I had never considered before. She constantly told me that sometimes people need a little help. I definitely needed a hand.

I went through five medications before the one I'm on now. Some made me nauseous, some gave me terrible migraines. One made me sleep through a midterm, and on another I couldn't sleep. This one gives me a lot of energy for short periods of time. On it... I feel a little different. In a good way. I feel like myself.

People have always described me as a positive person, and I am. I went through some dark times and wasn't as positive, but my medication has helped me out of that slump. It fills the gap. Something was missing, and my medication helped me find it. I am able to love myself. I am able to forgive myself. I am able to be my best self because I recognized that I need help. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain, and I allowed a doctor to help me. My medication does not define me.

I define me.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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