I’m staring at my computer screen trying to find some sort of inspiration.

There’s a blank document beating me in a showdown that’s been going on for hours, yet I still can’t piece together the right words to throw onto the page. It’s hard to call it writer’s block, because I genuinely do want to write. It’s finding a topic that someone actually cares about reading that’s the issue.

If any writing is to be successful, it has to reach an audience.

I’m sorry, but I’m not about to put in hours of work and research and interviews only to throw the end product out into the void. And I’ve read the handbook-- I know what qualifies a piece as journalistic. It must be timely. Relevant. Informative. Stylistic. Looking back now, however, it seems like I’ve missed a memo; because unless you’re an “accredited” (read: adult corporate) source, your guidelines of success are a whole other beast.

The first lesson I learned is that controversy comes in levels, so I’d better step it the hell down. It’s apparently not my job to speak on anything politically charged, meaning I need to find a “softer” disagreement to cover. The best diner in my city? Sure. Which iPhone app is most addictive? Sounds great. Whether or not Taylor Swift’s new single was a hit or a miss? Pushing it.

Now that I’ve found a less controversial topic to cover, it seems like it’s time for me to chuck any and all research out the window. Silly me to not realize that opinions are opinions, not something to be based on actual facts. And there’s even a secret loophole to this part! If you take all logic and reasoning out of the equation, you can actually write about controversial topics. Audiences (and the electoral college) love hearing about unsubstantiated claims regarding politics and the value of the lives of other human beings, so please, do tell me more about this whole “black privilege” phenomenon.

I think I’m hitting the limit of most attention spans, so I’ll make sure to emphasize something crucial to one’s success: pictures! It could be a picture of a cute cat, a meme, a GIF from Spongebob that definitely isn’t fair use-- who cares? If it draws in the reader, it’s the way to go, professionalism be damned. (And no, I still won’t be embedding a picture of Michael Scott making a face into this article.)

Call me unpopular, or annoying, or whatever clickbait-esque word you prefer, but I refuse to sacrifice the years of training and hard work that I’ve put into writing if only to appease the masses who, unfortunately, also happen to be a writer’s source of income. As I come to the end of this article now, I can’t help but wonder who will actually take the time to read it. It won’t be lauded like those obviously hard-hitting columns about zodiac signs in relation to characters from “Friends,” but maybe it will cause one person to reconsider the type of media they consume.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the occasional fluffy entertaining editorial, but refusing to read anything else is dangerous. If you’re going to go through the apparent effort of reading, at least try to make it worthwhile.

Don’t let yourself get stuck staring at a, for all intents and purposes, blank screen.