I grew up in a world where girls were treated in the same way that boys were.
In first grade, I played on a baseball team, a sport generally geared towards boys, because I thought softball was stupid.
For one Halloween I dressed as a Power Ranger, while all my friends were dressed as Dorothy or some Disney princess. I practiced Taekwondo for years and often played with the boys at recess because I didn’t believe in cooties. I reluctantly attended Girl Scouts, doing stupid things like selling cookies and knitting scarves.
I envied my brother, who in Boy Scouts did exciting things like camping. I never considered myself a tomboy because I still dressed in girly clothes and acted feminine.
Gender roles weren’t something that became prominent in my life until middle school when I realized the world was in favor of boys.
At school, we could only wear tank tops if the straps were at least two fingers wide, and our fingertips had to reach the hem of our shorts. If girls wished to wear short shorts, we had to wear spandex under them. Cropped shirts had to be layered with camisoles to cover midriffs.
Of course, there was always the threat of being sent home for dressing “inappropriately” if a teacher felt we were violating the dress code.
For the boys?
No tight fitting athletic shirts or loose tank tops that exposed their chest.
In high school, the dress code is much more lenient, though the way some people dress raise concerns for others.
Last year, the wrestling team wore their singlets to school, allowing fellow students to view much more of these boys than the ever wanted, and definitely showing more skin than the outfits girls wear to school.
From a young age, I’ve been aware of sexism and prejudice against females, though it has become much more apparent as I have gotten older.
The first situation that comes to mind occurred this past summer in Israel.
On the first Shabbat, everyone went to the Western Wall, an experience that is supposed to be amazing. Jerusalem is a very religious city, where Orthodox women are still seen as inferior to the men.
Being one of the holiest places for the Jewish people, the Kotel is sectioned off by gender, aside from the common area at the entrance that is open to everyone.
As expected, the site was filled with people of all ages and genders praying and singing in their respective areas.
My friends and I excitedly made our way into the women’s section, where we quickly found a circle of girls from Camp Yavneh and joined in their song. Soon enough, all the girls on Dor L’ Dor, including the counselors, became part of the circle. In the spirit of Shabbat, we all sang and swayed, linking arms camp style.
Our joy was quickly torn apart by a few women who told us that we were being too loud.
This was disappointing, but we refused to let this bring us down. Feeling unwelcome in the women’s section, our circle shifted to the general area and commenced. Other visitors happily joined our lively singing and dancing.
However, not everyone was as pleased with our spectacle, and a couple women, different ones than before, who informed us that we were disrupting the men from their prayers.
We were far enough away from the men’s section, and the site was so crowded, that this complaint didn’t make much logical sense. I personally believe this was a made up excuse the women used because in Orthodox Judaism, the men are superior and subordinates have to adjust for their benefit.
By then, we had been shut down twice and collectively felt crushed and unwelcomed.
Some of us were ready to leave. Our counselors were determined for all of us to have the traditional Friday night Kotel experience and suggested we go back into our designated portion of the wall to sing calmer, quieter tunes, rather than the upbeat, energetic ones we had tried earlier.
More women enjoyed our enthusiasm and quickly joined our circle.
For the remainder of our time, we sang together in the women’s section without any trouble.
At first, I was upset.
The Western Wall is known to be an amazing place of spirituality, not one of exclusivity.
What had we done wrong?
We were praying, just as everyone else who visits the Kotel. Nobody warned us that we might not be accepted. The boys had a totally normal experience that night. Everywhere else, we women went had no issues with our presence.
The following morning we went temple hopping in Jerusalem, where we were greeted with smiles everywhere we stopped by. A few weeks later, we spent our fourth Shabbat in Tzfat, notoriously one of the most religious cities in Israel.
The girls had the option to stay for co-ed services at the hotel, or attend services at a synagogue in the city. The year before, girls were accepted there, so there was a good chance we would be as well.
I was hesitant to go at first, worried that it would be a repeat of the Kotel. I was pleasantly surprised when the women there gave us a warm welcome and sang and danced with us.
This experience was hard to process for the majority of us. Earlier in the week, each bus visited the Wall for the first time with no problem. None of us expected to face such extreme sexism at such an important and supposedly inclusive place.
In other places?
Sure.
We were American Jews, and other countries don’t exactly approve of Americans.
I noticed the looks we got from natives when they saw we were another American tourist group. I had never fully understood the extent of prejudice in other cultures, simply because I never experienced it.
You see, I grew up in a conservative congregation led by a female rabbi. The closest encounter I had to Jewish sexism before Israel was whenever we went to Long Island to visit our family friends.
They are orthodox, and their temple has a separate section for women, behind a tall wall.
What it comes down to is that in Israeli culture, women play a different role than they do in American culture.
This is just generally speaking for the religious Israelis since every family is different. Women are not treated as equally as women in the U.S are. The Orthodox tend to be very set in their more old-fashioned ways, and that’s just how it is.
It’s important to recognize that even though our society is still far from having gender equality, life is very different for women from other countries and cultures.
If anything, I appreciate the lesser extent of sexism I face in life and have a much better understanding of the different roles women play in other societies.