Let me say off the bat that I'm a proud Jersey Girl. I do not pump my own gas and I am in love with the beach. So in love in fact that I have a line tattoo of a wave on my shoulder (see the photo above). It's a reminder of the beach, a place where I feel at peace. But as much as I love New Jersey, I feel like something is missing. And that cavern in my chest is massive. It's a hole only a state the size of California can fill.
I went to Cali when I was little. I've walked the Golden Gate Bridge, felt trapped at Alcatraz, and simpered over the animals in the San Diego Zoo. I've ridden horses through a grape field in Napa Valley and I've been awe-struck at Sequoia National Park. I was too young to have a strong opinion about The Golden State. The only thing I knew was that it was a place unlike any I had seen before.
As a Television, Radio, and Film major, I know I will, more likely than not, end up in LA. But other than a place where my future career will be, the idea of California is so enticing to an East Coaster like myself. No more having to worry about snow, it's 75 degrees and sunny every day. No more lugging around winter gear, you get to wear shorts and a t-shirt all the time. No more having to travel to New York City for a job, the possibilities are in your backyard.
Last year, I wanted out of the dreary Salt City.
Every day, I would look up flight prices from Syracuse to anywhere in California. I wanted to escape the grey, cold, barren landscape that was Syracuse. I wanted a warm breeze on my skin and the sun in my eyes. I wanted to go to a place where I didn't feel suffocated by storm clouds and snow and stress. I listened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers every day just to feel like I was in a carefree place. I wanted--no, needed--California.
Of course my parents were not a fan of me running to the other side of the country to live out a pipe dream and, when I sat back and thought about it, they were right. I would've had no one to contact once I got there. I would've had no money and no way to get around. I would've had nothing to my name. For the time being, I was in Syracuse and I was staying there.
However, just the idea that I might someday be able to get to California made me want to keep working towards my dream. In my mind's eye, I saw the life I wanted unfold in front of me, but that life required that I stay in school. I needed the on-set experience that Newhouse gave me and I needed to learn how to perfect my craft before I went into the cutthroat movie industry. Every day was one day closer to living my dream, one day closer to California.
I think part of the reason why I wanted--and still want--to go was due to my schema of California. The Golden State is romanticized to the point of absurdity. In the movies, it's a place where young starlets go to chase their Hollywood dreams. In music, it's a place where people enter a dream-like state and are chill 100% of the time. California is the land of surfer boys and good vibes. The media has done a great job of creating this mystifying place where anything seems possible.
Even though I know I'm blinded to the Cali reality, I want to live that life. I want to be able to live my dream of working on a movie set. I want surf by day and write screenplays by night. I don't care that I'd live in a studio apartment I couldn't afford. I don't care I'd be waiting tables or working retail to make ends meet. I want to get out of the hustle and bustle of the East Coast and slip into a California state of mind.
So I'm going to apply to 'Study Abroad' in Los Angeles. I'm going to get internships in the industry. I'm going to do everything I can to make my dream come true and I won't stop until I'm sitting on a beach in California watching the sun set over the rolling blue waves.