Lately, the U.S. has not felt like the most welcoming home; especially with the increasing amount of hate crimes and overall political strife. It's easy to want to leave America behind and move abroad. Perhaps that is exactly what we should do. Well, those of us who are tired of living in a society that often feels too intolerant.
Here is what one LGBTQ member has to say about European culture and societal expectations for gender, sexuality, and dating! As I promised to the interviewee, I have kept his identity anonymous.
Q: Generally speaking, is there a difference in expressing your sexuality in the states vs. abroad?
A: Yes. European culture is much more fluid. People do not get as hung up on the little details of your life and tend to be more open to accepting you as a whole. I believe that this stems from the wide scope of cultures across Europe and the fact that its land mass is not much larger than the United States. All of that culture packed together is bound to foster a more diverse and accepting culture.
Europeans also tend to be more relaxed about life in general, which I believe correlates with their high level of acceptance. All of this culminated in me being able to be more open about my sexuality and feel more accepted in my day to day interactions. I rarely needed to hide my sexuality due to fear of not being accepted. Also, a side note is the fashion trends in Europe. Men in Europe are much more fashion conscious and are not as concerned with their clothes being the stereotypical "manly" variety. This helped in my case because I could wear what I wanted without concern of sticking out.
Q: In the U.S. people often express feeling a pressure to be in a relationship, does that apply for abroad as well?
A: Not as much. Yes, dating is still very important and I was studying in a romantic culture. But, young people in Europe are less concerned with the stressful timeline involving marriage and children. From my point of view, people were more relaxed and focused on their own families and friends. I feel that in the US people are always looking for that significant other to define their lives. In Europe, it seemed as if people were more concerned with finding a person to compliment and blend in with their lives.
Q: Can you compare the difference in using dating apps?
A: Dating apps are an interesting subject. I didn't use them much in the US and as a gay male, dating apps tend to be a little different. I did use dating apps lightly while abroad. They are a little more legit when studying abroad because almost everyone came to study alone so it's less "unusual" to turn to an app for help in meeting people (especially if you are gay).
I primarily used Tinder and a little bit of Grindr while abroad, but in the states I prefer Bumble. Tinder is pretty straight forward, even for gay people. Grindr is an app specifically for gay males. It doesn't require "matching" with anyone. It is just a screen full of photo tiles with little bios. You can message whoever you find interesting and other users can do the same. It is pretty hit or miss. It usually ends up being gross horny old men or fake accounts trying to mess with you. I went on two Tinder dates and one Grindr date while abroad and they all went fine.
Q: What were the guys you met like?
I met two American guys that were both really nice and one European guy. They were all normal and interesting guys. I was just never looking for anything serious.
Q: Do you meet more people over apps or in person? Which do you prefer?
I'd say that it was actually split pretty 50/50 but I met a few more in person. I preferred meeting on the apps actually. The only reason for that is being a gay male in a foreign culture makes it hard to determine if another guy is gay or interested. There are different cultural norms that can cause miscommunication. On the apps, you knew whether a guy was gay or interested.
Q: What is the hookup culture like abroad?
Hookup culture abroad was a free-for-all. It didn't really matter if the other students were dating people at home or not. By mid-semester, everyone was hooking up with everyone. In the walking tour put on by our university, from the very beginning- the tour guide called Erasmus (euro term for study abroad) orgasmic. She wasn't wrong (and she may have been a little too literal ;) ). In general, European culture lends itself to a similar hookup culture to the US. Though it does depends on the region.
Q: As a gay man, where would you rather live?
I would rather live in the EU. I love my friends and family in the US and they have been nothing short of supportive and amazing, but the older generation of Americans are too focused on how "different" being gay is and they honestly just focus too much on whether someone is gay or straight or bi or trans or anything at all. In Europe no one really cares and I felt I could be myself in almost any city and in almost any situation. I also love that in Europe there is less pressure to be the stereotypical "man". Manliness in Europe is more centered around how each individual interprets it.
