Even from a little girl, I knew I wasn’t going to go out and get plastered on my 21st. No big parties, no clubbing, no barhopping. I happily would announce it to everyone. The idea never really interested me. I didn’t like the idea of getting blackout drunk and being crazy for my birthday. I didn’t want to risk a blackout or loss of control. I wanted to be sure I remembered my birthday and felt good about it the next day. “You say that now.” Everyone would tell me. “Just you wait.”

“You’ve never drank before?!” People would say in disbelief if I would tell them that I had NEVER consumed alcohol prior to my 21st. I became somewhat precious, naive. Maybe I was young, a goodie, the “mom” of the group. I was never the rebel of the group. And sometimes I wonder, does this put me below them in a way? Was a not good enough because I made a choice not to drink a lot on my birthday.

Why is this an issue in our society? Why is it something to be looked down on? And sure, you may say, “No. It’s completely your choice.” But honestly, sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. You may give me the choice, but it doesn’t change that there is something precious and worth teasing if I say, “Wow this taste is NyQuil.” When I take my first sip of a Berry Cider; it may only be 3%, but it was definitely 3% more than I ever had before.

Being 21 isn’t anything special. If you aren’t into drinking and you don’t want to be involved with the party scene, really it’s okay if you don’t like alcohol. I didn’t wake up feeling like a new woman. I didn’t transform or anything, although I will say it did feel weird when my MOTHER handed me Kahlua and Cream and said take a drink. Yikes. I don’t see anything wrong with drinking, but I have a very precise palette, and yeah, I’m a lightweight.

Celebrate your 21st however you want. Don’t feel like you have to do it a certain way and do not let anyone else let you feel like you are doing it “wrong.” It’s okay to go out and party, and it’s also okay to go to Disneyland and have an anxiety attack in the line to buy your first hard root beer float. I will say though, it feels pretty cool to have someone ask for your I.D., and you hand it over, and suddenly you are on a V.I.P. list.

But I do think part of me felt pressured, not by friends (so friends if you’re reading this, don’t stress you’re all good). But I felt pressured by society. 21 is associated with alcohol. That is a fact. Part of me felt that if I didn’t drink, I was doing it wrong. I felt awful about myself after I saved my first drink and tried to make it special, and then didn’t even like it. I put so much value on it, and it was underwhelming, nothing special.

Nevertheless, I had the best birthday. I did find a couple drinks that I liked, and I am not opposed to trying more, but I am finding that I don’t drink.

But what I want to tell you, dear reader. Just be yourself. Don’t let anyone, friends, family, or society, pressure you into something you don’t want for yourself. It’s okay if you want to drink. It’s okay not to drink, and this doesn’t just apply to drinking, it applies to everything in life. It is okay to be a “lightweight.”