It's Not Love If They're Controlling You

It's Not Love If They're Controlling You

One thing about tables, they always turn.

It's Not Love If They're Controlling You
Cheyenne Santoro

"My boyfriend doesn't like when I hang out with them."

"My girlfriend isn't comfortable with us being friends."

Exit this relationship immediately.

Sure, if you are friends with your town's local drug dealer, maybe your significant other has the right idea. But if your friends are not causing you any harm and your S.O. has a problem with them, then your significant other is seemingly insecure (about themselves, and your relationship) and is manipulating you into handing over control.

I have seen this from many different perspectives and it has never once been anything but true.

I used to find someone attractive — somebody who is overly protective and jealous. I thought it was a turn on if they weren't comfortable with me going somewhere they weren't, like with a bunch of my guy friends, or if they were jealous of someone commenting my photo.

However, the tide turned rather quickly when someone I knew for two months tried telling me I couldn't hang out alone with one of my best guy friends; a family friend.

So, what is a girl to do in this situation? Petty attack!

I began being way more public when I would hang out with my friend, but not before I dropped that guy and deleted his number.

The friendships that make up my very small circle are and will always be put first. These people have helped me get through both of my parents' passings and every day since then — which is a constant battle. That is not an easy job, but they do it with grace, they do it effortlessly, and they do it happily. Why, would I ever put them second?

One thing about tables, though, is that they always turn.

When you're such a close friends to guys... there's always that time when a girl comes into their lives and attempts to push you out. They try to explain the situation, (that we are just very close friends,) and that our friendship may go slightly deeper than other friendships, all because of what I've been through. However, there's no point in trying to sway someone to believe that. Don't explain. People only hear what they want to hear.

Loss has been such a large component of my life, and because of that, love stands in the forefront of my mind. I have love for the people that surround me. Starting a relationship or finding significant other is put on back burners because I just do not see that as a necessity right now. Love and loss share an unbed bed: reality.

The reality of someone telling you who can and cannot be friends with or what you can or cannot do is not love. It is controlling, and I've found through experience and a psychology degree that control often relates back to projection.

In psychology, "projection" is the idea of someone accusing another of doing them wrong, because they themselves are doing something they feel guilty about.

One of the most valuable lessons I'll take from 2017 is the importance of omission. Most statements are spoken with the other half missing. However, if that other half was present, and was spoken, it would twist the statement into a lie or the truth.

"I'm not looking for a relationship... [with you]."

"You can't tell me how to live my life... [nor can I tell you]."

Such a small difference can make a world of change.

All in all, if someone is trying to dictate your life — mainly your friendships that were there way before they were, and will most likely be there way after them as well — that is not love.

I understand that thinking of losing this person you're romantically involved with may appear to be too hard to bare. It may feel like the world is ending. But I don't pay attention to the world ending.

It has ended for me many times and began again in the morning.

Report this Content

-Having struggled with acne prone skin for years, I was cautious to try a new serum on top of the other products I've come to trust.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Your Social Activism May Actually Benefit From A Cleansing Social Media Detox

In the craziest year of our lives, sometimes there's value in taking a break.

We are living through, unequivocally, one of the most dangerous, unstable, chaotic periods of any of our lives. From COVID-19 to crises of police brutality to the mass exploitation of the poor by mega-corporations, the world outside seems to be looking more dystopic every day. What can be done about it? For many, activism involves heavily posting on social media to keep others aware. However, this comes with a net negative cost — increased levels of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness about the state of the world. Why might this be? After all, in past eras activists have endured comparable and greater levels of abuse and relentless torment from oppressors. Why, now, are people getting so easily burnt out?

Keep Reading... Show less

Reading is a relaxing activity that provides many benefits. Everybody reads books (when they are not watching Netflix, chatting on social media, or making Tik Tok videos) to distract themselves from reality for a while. Many do not realize the positive impact that books have like reducing stress, assisting with sleep, improving cognitively, and strengthening the mind. In honor of National Book Day, there are many great novels that you can read to mark this special holiday. Here are the best ones to check out.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Things You Need To Know Before You Watch 'Arrested Development' On Netflix

"Her?" Yes, she's an amazing show! (You'll get this joke after you watch the show).


"Arrested Development" is an award-winning sitcom that aired for three seasons on Fox beginning in 2003, and then was picked up by Netflix for a fourth season in 2013, and then again for a final season in 2018.

However, it seems to remain one of the world's most underrated and under-appreciated shows of all time. Although this article alone won't be enough to skyrocket the show to Netflix's top 10, I hope that it will open people's eyes to the value and quality of the show.

Keep Reading... Show less

I have always felt left out because of how I look and who I am. I have always felt like the elephant in the room, literally. I have always been shamed for my size. For the longest time, I cared so much about what I wear and who I wore certain things in front of. I never wanted to wear shirts that would show a lot of my arm, located above my elbow. I wouldn't wear shorts that didn't go to the tip of my knees, at least. I never wore anything remotely tight, where you could see every curve, roll, or imperfection. I was so insecure about myself, and not many of my friends knew.

Keep Reading... Show less

Being a pharmacy technician never held as many risks as it does now. Exposure too hazardous conditions were little to none, and garbing up was only conducted in IV compounding. But, now, in order to give nurses the medications they need to help their patients, they need us, pharmacy technicians.

Keep Reading... Show less

I Asked My Boyfriend His Opinion On Liking Other Girls’ Pictures, And, Spoiler Alert, It's Cheating

"When you get into a relationship and you're in love, you have to realize that liking photos is for the single lifestyle."

Ladies, listen up. If you are in a relationship with a guy and he is liking other girls' pictures on social media, then it's a red flag. A man who can look at someone else and show interest by liking it means he doesn't care about your feelings AT ALL.

Keep Reading... Show less

Celebrities Stealing Designs From Small Fashion Labels Is NOT A Good Look, And They Need To Pay Up

When larger, more established figures or brands steal from lesser-known independent creators, they are taking opportunities away from these creators while also profiting from someone else's work and claiming it as their own.

Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B recently collaborated on their new single "WAP," with the music video also being released on Friday. Both Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B posted photos of themselves on Instagram to celebrate the premiere of "WAP." An independent designer quickly noticed that the rappers' matching tops were copies of a top she had designed last year.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

When You Have A Disability, Finding A Job Is Twice As Hard, Believe Me, I Know

We have got to create a safer work environment for people with disabilities.

"My advice to other disabled people would be, concentrate on things your disability doesn't prevent you from doing well, and don't regret the things it interferes with. Don't be disabled in spirit as well as physically." – Stephen Hawking

Keep Reading... Show less

7 Books That Are NOT In The Young Adult Genre That Will Change Your Life

Young Adult isn't the only genre that exists, so here are seven books that any book lover wanting to try something new will love.

One of the most popular genres in literature that everyone has read at least one book from is Young Adult fiction. Now, I personally can say that, in the past, I have been one of those people that only read from the YA section of the bookstore.
While there is absolutely nothing wrong with just reading one genre, it's good sometimes to venture out of your reading comfort zone into the other book genres of the literary world.

In a previous article, I discussed the importance and power of words. The perfect example of this is literature and its impact on the world. Books have always played a crucial part in human lives, from how we are able to expand our knowledge to how we pass our time.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments