"You shouldn't walk alone at night. Nor should you wear a crop top with shorts to class. Flirting with someone and then leaving can make them think you want them. When you don't, they think you played them, so they'll get mad."
These are some words I've heard, which makes it seem like it's the female's fault and not the opposite sex's or those violent human beings they come in contact with.
I've always been taught that I should never go out for a walk alone or go to a party because you never know what people might do. Also, it's because you're a girl so you have to be extra careful.
Why should I be extra careful just because I'm a girl?
Why shouldn't others learn to control their behavior? It sounds like I would be to blame if anything happens, and that is insane. Girls are taught to go somewhere with at least one other person, but doesn't that sound a little sexist?
Most people say, "Girls are precious," I guess I now know why. Parents want to keep them safe, but has anybody ever taught their child how to control their violent behavior or temper? Even if they were taught, a parent can't be by their child's side 24/7, so people should keep their hands to themselves.
I'm reading a book called, "Not That Bad" by Roxane Gay. This book contains essays from sexual assault victims. In every story, I am so disgusted by how they were being treated and what they went through. They did not ask for it by what they were wearing or how they were behaving. Someone may want to be intimate then stop, that doesn't mean the other person should keep going with force. People should respect the other's decision. No means no, not maybe. If she's silent when asked if she wants to continue, a silence could mean she's traumatized or afraid. You should hear an answer, not just a nod or anything similar, but a verbal answer is best.
What if a woman was on her way to her apartment, but an admirer just happens to step in front of her? They might seem really nice but then, BAM! They want her sexually, but she might not feel the same. Then, they might get mad and then try to pressure her or do it anyways. See the scenario? Never mentioned her clothing or how she acted because it doesn't matter. What mattered is the consequence she received by declining. It's not her fault. It's those that can't behave themselves.
Those types of people should be in therapy or find another way to deal with their sexual aggravation.
These situations could affect her future relationships as well. She might be so traumatized that she wouldn't want to be intimate with anyone ever again. She might meet someone she really likes but is afraid they'll hurt her. No one asked to be in pain or hurt or to feel humiliated.
In most of the essays, the assault was done by someone they knew. Whether it was their own lover or an acquaintance.
Do you think anyone wants to be sexually assaulted? Is there a tattoo on their forehead asking to be assaulted? No, there isn't. No one deserves being treated like that.
Whenever I feel like someone is following me, I look back and I walk quickly into a crowd or go into a cafe. I would feel unsafe because of the stories I hear. But I would like to walk around alone feeling safe. I would like to go hiking alone while watching the sunrise alone. There are a lot of things I would like to do alone and would appreciate it if people could control their temper or behavior, so I wouldn't have to feel that there would be any sexual threat.