My darkest time: I believed that I was crap for months and because of this, I slept with guys for affirmation that I was worth something, and it still didn't suffice. I knew guys only wanted one thing and I knew I could give it to them. I literally loathed myself so much. I wanted to kill myself so finally I tried it on a Friday night. My mom took me to ER, and I woke up on Sunday.
My advice to anyone feeling like I did, is to always respect yourself because not everyone will respect you. It's okay to be single, to be by yourself and to struggle. It's not okay to try and kill yourself. There are people who love you and eventually you will learn to love yourself. It's a process. It's okay to not be okay, but don't let yourself get stuck in that position.
- Anonymous
I think the hardest time I went through was the end of my eighth grade year, when my mom went to China to be with my brother for an indefinite length of time. I missed my mom so much that I stayed up all night crying once-- no sleep, just tears. I called her and messaged her all the time, which helped a lot. I also went to visit her in China during my summer vacations. It got better during my freshman and sophomore years, because I was constantly keeping myself busy to keep my mind off of it and I gradually got used to living my life that way. I wouldn't trade my experience these last few years for anything in the world.
My advice is to cherish the people in your life while you have them and to always tell your loved ones that you love them. It will get better because things aren't as bad as they may seem right now. You'll always be surprised at your ability to cope.
- Irene
I have spent over half of my life battling an eating disorder. I think my darkest point of this particular journey was when I was in high school. I played a lot of sports and I'd consider myself a pretty fair athlete, but generally speaking, my body didn't have the energy or the strength to endure the workouts and the aggressive opponents. My bones were glass, my muscles were tight, and I suffered from asthma. I went through a period where I broke 12 bones in only two years - some of which included my neck, both ankles twice, tailbone, and my thumb. I was taken by hospital for either passing out during a game due to not eating for days or from an asthma attack. In this time, I also suffered 6 concussions, which is unheard of.
Today, I am able to say that I am more focused on being healthy rather than being skinny. I am much more focused on what my body can do vs. how it might look. During that time, I would often eat one apple, at most, everyday. I am now a vegetarian, so although I find my protein in other ways, I don't simply ignore that I need it anymore. I eat a well balanced diet, I try new foods, and I love to cook. Every once in a while, the negative thoughts creep up, but I have put my time and my energy into training for 5k's, 10k's, and half marathons, so that some day I will be ready to fully compete in a marathon. Setting long term goals and training each day has helped tremendously to shift my focus to something more positive.
- Jen
There was a point where my depression had taken everything from me. I couldn't leave my bed because my body constantly felt heavy and no matter how much I slept, I was exhausted. I ended up taking a bottle of pills one night before bed and was rushed to the hospital 6 hours later because I was shaking badly and vomiting.
My advice is to keep fighting for brighter days because you deserve to be happy and healthy.
- Anonymous
Hurt. Pain. Temptation. I face this temptation very often. January 6, 2014, was the last time I fulfilled my temptation. That was the last time I self harmed myself. On that night, two people who cared about me, told me how much I meant to them and how much they didn't want me to hurt myself anymore. So, I flushed my blades and I began a new journey-- a clean journey. Often I think to myself, "I can do whatever I want, so why can't I do this?" but other days, I tell myself how worthy I am and how I shouldn't throw everything away for a little piece of metal. As of 9/11/2016, I am 979 days clean.
My advice is to know how worthy you are of a better life. No matter how badly you may be feeling, put down the blade, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you can do it: one day at a time.
- Anonymous
At times, everyone struggles and because of this, we grow. Sometimes, we can't learn to grow until we learn to struggle. Anyone who's going through a hard time, I hope you read these stories and you know you aren't alone. As of the 11th of September, the ending day of National Suicide Prevention Week, always know that there is someone who will be there for you. Always remember,
"It's a good day to be alive, as will be tomorrow, and the day after that." -Tatum Oxford