When I was in fourth grade a kid threw a football at my head. After it hit me I started crying and told the recess monitor. However, I didn't cry because it hurt. It barely touched me and I have a high pain tolerance anyway. I cried because I couldn't believe that a kid intentionally wanted to throw a football at me.
In High School, I'd begin to cry whenever my parents started to discipline me. They'd immediately become frustrated with me which made me cry even more. It wasn't until we sat down with my therapist that I was able to tell them that my crying wasn't an attempt to stop them from disciplining me- it was because I legitimately couldn't help it.
This week while working at a winter break camp I met a girl who was the same day. On the first day, she got herself out in a game of "gaga" and started crying because she didn't know that you could get yourself out. Today she cried twice, once because she got tagged quickly in a game called "salty fish" and another because she was playing football and she didn't want to hold the ball.
She recovered rather quickly in all situations, but she confided in me that she cried whenever she felt embarrassed. She told me how she'd tell her mom what happened and her mom would tell her that she shouldn't cry because it wasn't a big deal.
I immediately understood what she felt like because I was the same way. She wasn't crying to cause a scene, she wasn't crying so that we'd let her back in the game. In fact, crying just embarrassed her even more, but she couldn't help it.
I am 18 and I still cry a lot. And guess what? Being told not to cry doesn't help a bit! As my friend Jess has told me, "I think the saying 'don't cry over spilled milk' is stupid. Cry about spilled milk if you want to. Maybe the milk was last straw, and most often it's not even about the milk." Children should not be told to suppress their emotions, it will only make them feel guilty for having them, and in turn, make them more upset.
Don't get me wrong, I hated it whenever one of my siblings would throw a fit because they lost a game of "sorry", but instead of telling your kids "you shouldn't cry, it's not a big deal" you should tell them this.
1. Instead of saying "Don't cause a fuss" say "Don't cry TO cause a fuss."
2. Instead of saying "Don't cry because something didn't go your way" say "Don't cry in order to get your way/change the outcome."
3. And instead of just telling them "don't cry", tell them "it's okay if you do cry, but you need to remove yourself from the situation and be able to calm yourself down, and then be a big kid and accept whatever made you cry in the first place."
It's healthy to cry and feel emotions, so long as you're able to calm yourself down and face reality. I was never taught how to do that, and being told "don't cry" just made me feel worse and keep crying. So next time a kid is crying for a seemingly stupid reason, let them cry because that's okay.