What does home feel like?

For the longest time, I felt so alone and out of place, because home to me, is the airport. I feel more at home at the airport, than I have ever felt in any place I have lived. I always envied people that closed their eyes and thought of their own house at the sound of home. For so long, I wanted so badly for that to be me until sometime in high school my teenage angst pulled me to Lana Del Rey. In her songs Ride, she described some very relatable verses, that left me wondering…

Fairy tales and happy endings always seem to follow a script, but what if what makes you the happiest has never been done before? That thought alone scares the pants out of me, and for a year or two, I tried to fit in. I tried to be more “city” like and tried to have consistent routines, but I was miserable. I get bored of the same food, let alone the same places. I have self-diagnosed myself as simply being "extra", which is accurate. But why am I considered extra if all I want is to try new foods?

Every new place I traveled, I try to find that feeling of “home”. But that is so toxic and unrealistic. I can't just go around the world and expect to feel that warm fuzzy feeling when I don’t even know if it’s true. Does it really exists, or did someone make that shit up? Because, how come it is so hard to find it? Or, am I so worried trying to look for it, that it has passed me? Someone let me know because I am kind of drained trying to search for it.

It's fine, you're fine, I'm fine, we're* fine

Honestly, it is 2017, about to be 2018. Live’s no longer have to be predictable and I am so thankful I live in this time. Home to me is like 500 different places. The more I travel and the more I see, the less I know. The more confused I get, I read somewhere that is the sacrifice you pay for wanting to explore; you lose your sanity a little. You venture out of comfort zone, and you lose your mind, or you stay in your bubble and pretend? I guess my Macro professor was right, after all, and all resources are scarce, and you always pay for what you want.