Senior year is such a hard time for a lot of students, including me. I have found myself being the happiest I have been but yet the saddest too. I’ve learned that it is okay to break down.

Figuring out my plan after college is so difficult. I ended deciding I wanted to pursue Law School. I prepared for my LSAT, wrote my personal statement, revised my resume, and asked professors for recommendations. On top of that I am still a student, a student taking the highest-level classes offered for my major. The stress has officially hit me.

I get so overwhelmed with the thoughts running through my head. I work myself up for no reason but cannot find a way to calm myself down so I end up just shutting down. I think about all the work I need to get done. I think about all the things around the house I want to clean. I think about all the places I need to be or things I need to finish. I freak out and just break down.

I will break down to the point of not wanting to do anything. I will break down to the point of questioning why I am in college. I will break down to the point of why I am wanting to even go to Law School and if it is even worth my time. My thoughts will consume me and I wish I could control it. I lose all motivation and lose all self-esteem. I lay in bed consumed in my own self-pity wanting to fix it and change but not knowing how.

I get one piece of homework done and feel better but realize I have so much more to do and go back into that negative thinking. I continue to worry and wonder what is going to happen. I continue to freak out over the smallest things and drive people away from me. I cannot express why I am sad or freaking out but I just am. They tell you that it will get better you just have to push over this hump but this hump is so tall. My body and mind are shutting down and I feel like I am not in control. I want to fix it, I want to get up and feel motivated I just don’t know how.

But guess what… It is okay. It is okay to break down or freak out. We all do it at one point in our lives. This happens to be my freak out moment. I freak out in my mind and my body just shuts down and I cannot control it for a period of time. But once I feel like my mind has completely shut down I try to get the control back. I think about happy times and memories or just taking homework one-step at a time. It sounds so simple to people to just get up and get over it but I wish it was that easy.

I understand freaking out or breaking down. I understand feeling defeated. It is not something that can be controlled easily or can be fixed within a second. I have learned that if I do my best that is all I can ask for of myself. So know it is okay to have a mental break down. Know it is okay to freak out. But also know you have to continue pushing. You can take a couple minutes or even a day to freak out or break down. Do not be scared of disappointing people because that is my biggest fear.

Know almost everyone at some point as a break down. Don't think you are the only one to have one because that will hurt you even more. Talk to someone or even just cry really hard. It will be okay and you will get through it. Have faith and trust within yourself. You can do it... I believe in you.