The first crush

Doubles and entwines

A duel partnership

Always flushed pink,

Always holding hands.

When she swells

He never let's go.

They never let go.

Longing? For a

Relationship like theirs?

I believe it to be true

Until I turn sixteen

And I fell for a girl. Again.

A senior in badminton.

She's the girl poets love.

Maybe that's why I fell.

But I equated it to

Admiration. Then I

Pretend to forget her

When she graduates.

The third time is a geyser.

I take one look and burst.

She's funny and smart.

I want her to tutor me.

I want her to speak always.

My palms sweat, my limbs

Go quaking with nerves.

The electricity humming.

She talks to me in hellos

About films and class.

Trivial at most, but

A melody to my ears.

But I never admit it.

Love is not the word.

I tell myself in

My mother's voice.

Women only admire each other.

But if I admire her, why?

Why is nothing ever enough?

I look at her hands and want.

I stare into her eyes and want.

I eye her lips and want.

Want. Want. Want.

All the girls who

Made me feel like

All the boys

I'd ever fallen for

fell under lock and key.

The signs all claiming me

A one-way street.

Until my road crossed hers. Again.

So I turned back as

My heart stopped,

And when it reset

I started calling it love.