The theoretical situation. A group of girls go out one night, attend a party, have a little too much to drink and, during a state of intoxication, are taken upstairs, posed, and photographed in inappropriate positions by men.

Who is responsible?

I was sitting in class Friday morning when this case study was presented to my classmates and I. I didn’t intend to chime in too much because I assumed there would be a common perspective, and we would move on quickly to a different topic.

In fact, I didn’t realize this was a conversation that needed to be had until I heard the rather concerning feedback from my peers – namely my male peers.

As I sat there, listening to them place the blame on girls that were “asking for it” and “knew the dangers of getting that drunk”, I realized every other girl was looking around the room at their female peers, shocked. They were all wondering the same thing I was.

Do I speak up?

What made us all sit there for those few seconds and not say anything?

After a few students spoke up, mostly men and a woman or two, about the responsibility of the women, a male student in front of me was so outraged he had to raise his hand and speak up in favor of the women.

After him, it was my turn.

From the perspective of a woman, let me explain to you why putting the responsibility on the woman is a dangerously arrogant perspective.

There were many female classmates that talked about the fact that the girls in the situation should be responsible because they’ve been told how dangerous it is to lose control at a party. These students said their parents sat them down and explained that partying and drinking were fine, but to do all things in moderation.

Let me ask the men this: how many of you were sat down and given the same advice?

This conversation, while a very important one to have, is the precursor to placing blame on the women. Because you were warned, it’s your fault when it happens. Why do we live in a society where we have to be warned about something like that?

What’s the likelihood that, if the situation was reversed, an intoxicated male would have been taken upstairs and had his pictures taken? Even if that occurred, the pictures wouldn’t be as big of a deal just because he’s a man.

The goal of our society should not be to educate women before the tragedy happens but to create a society where they don’t have to worry about it in the first place.

Also, let’s view this situation from another perspective. Imagine now, instead, that the girls get too drunk and instead of taking advantage of them, the group of boys take them out of harm’s way and leave them to sober up. Who do you want to give the responsibility to then?

Do the girls get the praise for getting drunk enough to be saved?

No.

You wanted to credit the men now because they did the right thing. Just because the nature of the action changes doesn’t mean the responsibility does. Why allow them to take responsibility for the good but not the bad?

So let’s assign this responsibility once and for all by playing with the variables in this equation. Which is dependent upon which?

Let’s say the girls didn’t go to the party. In that case, the men likely take advantage of another group of drunken girls that night. Let’s say the men didn’t go to the party. Sure, it’s likely that another group of men could come and take their pictures. What if no malicious men were at the party at all?

Wow! No pictures were taken! Who sounds responsible now?

We live in a society where women have to be on the lookout, watching how they act, what they wear, what they say, and how they say it. It’s not fair. It’s not right.

But it’s the truth.

Contrary to what appears to be the popular opinion, how we act, what we wear, what we say, and how we say it, are not acceptable reasons to take advantage of us. "She was asking for it” should never be an acceptable explanation for assigning responsibility.

Why would they have wanted that to happen?

Even after I explained all of this and faced the backlash, there were still some girls who sat there and did nothing. Some who didn’t speak came up to me and thanked me for standing up for what they believed in.

But what about the others?

Did they just not feel like participating on a Friday morning? Or did they feel like they didn’t have the place to speak up?

Please don’t be a part of a silent generation. Speak up.