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Ask Emilie: I Can't Stand My Best Friend's Boyfriend

What do I do when I'm afraid of losing my best friend to her new boyfriend?

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Dear Emilie,

My best friend just got a new boyfriend, and he is awful. He thinks he is better than everyone, and he is just so arrogant and cocky. He is nice to my friend, but is mean to everyone else and even talks about my boyfriend behind his back. Whenever my friend talks about him, I just want to roll my eyes and not even listen. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but things just haven't been the same since he came into the picture. What should I do?

Unfortunately, there is not much that you can do in this situation. It is up to your friend who she wants to date and if she chooses to go out with someone you do not like, then you kind of have to deal with it quietly and maturely. When she talks about him, listen to her stories. If she is spending more time with him than you, you have to learn to expect it as they are a new couple. If you can see her personality changing for the worst, that can be a problem. If she starts to conform to his arrogant ways, maybe sit her down and have a talk with her about how you feel. If you tell her you don't want her to lose who she is because of a guy, I think she will understand that you are just looking out for her. Don't say it's because you dislike the guy, but make it into a more general statement.

The most important thing is that the boyfriend treats your best friend with respect. If he is treating her well, and she is happy, then you should be happy for her. As far as the gossip about your own boyfriend goes, maybe you could try to do things together as a group of four and see how it goes. He may be intimidated, especially if you have been in a relationship longer than he and your best friend have. Once he gets to know you and your boyfriend better, maybe he will lighten up, and you'll find yourself liking him more. If it doesn't work out, make that the last time you double date. It will most likely be obvious to your best friend if her significant other can't make friends with you and yours.

Dear readers, as I have said before, friends should always come before boyfriends, because if he leaves, your friends will be the ones that are there to pick up the pieces and make you whole again. You may be totally head-over-heels for this guy, but at what cost are you willing to keep him? If it is damaging to your other relationships, you may have to take a step back and figure out what the problem is and fix it before it is too late.


If you want to send in your questions to get advice, you can email me at All advice is 100 percent confidential!

"If I was popular in high school, I wouldn't be a writer" -Jeff Davis

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