There are a variety of personality tests out there with many different ideas of what constitutes baseline personality traits, but a common trait that many tests give insight to is whether you are an extrovert or introvert.
These labels give the illusion that level of extroversion or introversion is a black and white issue; you are either a hermit who hates public speaking and outside contact, or you're an outgoing, attention-loving star who cannot wait for their next public appearance. The truth is, most people are not either of those stereotypes, not entirely anyway.
Most of us fall somewhere in between the poles, in the grey area, and sometime's the stereotypes of extroversion and introversion make it difficult for us to feel confident in what we want socially from situation to situation.
The main category of confused-troverts I'll discuss are considered outgoing introverts. These people probably "test" introverted, but often have qualities of extroversion that make the people around them doubt that they could ever be labeled an introvert. The reason these people - including myself - usually test introverted is energy.
Many personality tests, such as the Myers-Briggs, ask questions regarding where a person receives their energy from. In plainer terms, how somebody recharges. If you answer that your energy comes from being alone, that's a strong point for introversion whereas recharging with a group of friends or at a party counts for extroversion.
This is a fairly straightforward question and answer, but how does it compare with the actual behavior patterns of extroverted and introverted people? The answer is, it depends completely on the person.
The Myers-Briggs Personality Test I mentioned before does a fairly good job of showing the test-taker their balance of introversion and extroversion, but even with a nearly 50/50 score, the test must prescribe an "I" or an "E."
This is problematic, not because of the tests' inability to differentiate between degrees of extroversion and introversion, but because of society's tendency to connotate these letters with stereotypes. Someone's label of "I" or "E" actually reveals very little about their behavior.
This leads me to my next discussion: what it's like to be in the grey area of intro/extroversion in a world that sees black and white.
As an outgoing introvert, there are certain aspects about both extroversion and introversion that apply to me.
For example, I am great at meeting people and chatting at get-togethers but grow exhausted quickly in such social situations. I can speak in front of hundreds with ease, but won't go near a big party with a ten-foot pole. These are seemingly contradictory behaviors, but that is merely an illusion created by the stereotypes we've adopted regarding people's social behavior and personality.
The truth is, as complex beings, we should be allowed to feel and behave however we are inclined socially without automatically being written off as abnormal.
People and personalities are complex, and the stereotype of exactly two separate and polar-opposite social personalities is not only ignorant of reality but can also be hurtful to a person who is learning who they are and growing with their personality.
As an outgoing introvert, telling someone that you're an introvert is a bit daunting, because we've spent our lives being told that we're "obviously" extroverted, what with our social skills and ease of speaking.
Telling someone that you don't want to go to a party can be okay when you're known as an introvert, but if you have extroverted traits such as good communication skills, it can be awkward to tell a friend you just want to spend some time alone.
Even friends that have known me for years have taken offense to my staying in to recharge because they associate my outgoing nature with an energy source of socializing.
If I refuse their offer to go out, it's more personal to them because it's not in my nature, as they see it.
But the reality is that I need some time to relax alone with my thoughts to recharge.
I need to close my door.
I need to curl up with a book and cocoa.
These things are a part of who I am, and they certainly don't mean that I can't enjoy socialization or performance. It's not easy being an outgoing introvert, but it's normal.
A lot of people grow up struggling with their identities because they don't fit into a box of black or white. They realize that they exist in a shade of grey, whether it be with personality traits or other parts of identity, that society doesn't accept or acknowledge.
This can be an exhausting and trying experience, but it's never too late to embrace the grey. Knowing who you are and what you want is key to enjoying your life, and you won't get there easily if you deny aspects of yourself.
Outgoing introverts and all the other greys out there, embrace your uniqueness and educate those around you on who you truly are.
It takes patience, but the more people you reach, the more people are going to be open-minded about all the grey areas in life, and perhaps realize that they themselves have been denying some grey too.
And to all of you outgoing introverts, keep on being exactly who you are, because you're perfect that way.