I'm the type of person that wants to go out and be social. I want to have all the friends in the world like I used to have in high school. I'm the girl you see at the bar with her small group of friends and think, "That girl is the popular girl. She's got so many friends and probably has boys just chasing after her." Except I don't.

The moment someone new wiggles their way into my small circle of friends to strike up a conversation at the bar, my mind curls up into the fetal position and cries. The boys jump into our conversations, and sure, sometimes they do it looking at me, but their focus quickly shifts to my friends when they realize I'm not talking back.

Often times people interpret my introvert tendencies as being a b*tch. People see me laughing with my friends and assume when I suddenly stop carrying on a conversation around them it's because I don't want them around me. They are sadly mistaken. Often when they are talking, I am constantly thinking of things I could say back. When I finally think of something to say back, the moment has already passed. My filter is a little too heavy when I am around someone new. My extrovert just watches in horror as this happens. This is not who you are!

But once that extrovert comes out around a person, it just never goes back in. I start being the leader of a conversation instead of just sitting back and listening. I start making jokes: sometimes funny, but often not as funny as I think they will be. I start talking too much. I know it's happening too, but my introvert can't reel back in my extrovert and keep her in check. My extrovert is like that girl at the party drinking for the first time. My extrovert goes nuts, sometimes even a little too far. That aforementioned filter goes out the window never to be seen again; that is, until someone new comes back around.

I genuinely think I'm a fun person to be around. I honest to God think that I am awesome and anyone that doesn't like me, well, that's just their own loss. But for some reason, that person just up and leaves the entire continent when someone new comes around. My whole mindset is replaced with feeling like I'm not good enough to put my two cents into a conversation.

I just don't understand why my introvert and my extrovert can't be friends. I know why people don't really like my introvert because why would someone want to take the time to get to know the quiet girl? But I don't really want to be friends with my extrovert either because no one wants to be friends with that girl at the party drinking for the first time. It's like my extrovert tries too hard to make people like me.

Sometimes I just wish these two sides could just blend together, and I'm left with something in between.