As a young girl, one of the mantras my mother ground into my brain was simple and easy to understand: treat others how you want to be treated. Now, I realize this isn’t an uncommon phrase at all, and that many of you have probably had the same life-lesson taught by one of your parents at one point or another.

The rules are simple: if someone drops their pen, smile at them and hand it back. If you accidentally bump into someone, say you’re sorry. The first time you meet someone, shake their hand and greet them in a way that makes them feel comfortable and accepted. Still, it was my opinion that if you did these things, you would be seen by the public as someone who is kind and on your side, someone who is not- shall we say- intimidating.

Over the past two years of my college experience, I have overheard people refer to me as intimidating several times- both to my face and behind my back. Fortunately, those that told me about the comments made behind my back said they were not made in a mean way, but more so as a simple statement. Nonetheless, I was shocked. I spent several days thinking to myself, “am I really intimidating? I try so hard to be friendly, are people really that scared of me?”. If you sat down with any of my close friends, they could tell you that the label, “intimidating” is one that shocks me to my very core. Not only do I hardly use it, but I can barely fathom being referred to as it. Even with the reassurance from my friends that intimidating meant I was “strong” and “confident”, I couldn’t shake it. “Intimidating is bad”, I thought for the longest time. That was until the evening of Tuesday, February 7^th, 2017.

I had been working on a book report for one of my sociology classes when my phone buzzed and I looked down to see a red number one logo posted on the top right corner of my Facebook Messenger app. As I went to click it, I saw that it was an attachment message from my dad, addressed to my mom and I with the headline “You.” Underneath this headline, the words, “Why Dating An Alpha Female Shouldn’t Intimidate You”, were written in bold black lettering. Curious as always, I felt intrigued by the title. Just like that, the link was open, and everything changed.

Although the article was written by a woman about dating an Alpha female, I felt extremely relieved to hear some of the things she said. It is no secret that in most instances, women knowing what they want in the office lands them with a big “bitch” label as their new name tag on their desk, or being a "pusher"--as Ms. Norberry said best in the hit film Mean Girls--is a negative thing. Yet, in this article, these things were combined with words such as “encouraging,” “helpful,” and “driven,” words that not only women, but people in general should be flattered to know apply to them. Suddenly, a realization dawned on me: were all my friends right? Could intimidating mean that you are head-strong, that you know what you want, that you have passion and a strong presence? Ironically, as much as I hate admitting I'm wrong, it occurred to me in this moment that I had been all along--and strangely enough, I was okay with it.

The word intimidating is--in and of itself--intimidating for many people to hear. It can cause individuals to jump to conclusions about how friendly they are towards other people, how they carry themselves in a social setting, and the ways in which they communicate with their peers. Still, if you are one of these people- like I am- allow me to reassure you that being intimidating is not something to be afraid of, but rather something to take great pride in. Sure, people may be overwhelmed by you, but that is only because you know what you want out of life and you aren’t willing to settle for anything less- which is very scary for many because a lot of people do not have these same ambitions. You may walk around with your head held high and purpose, but that’s only because you like feeling pulled-together and ready to tackle every challenge that may be thrown in your direction. And sometimes, you may find yourself flinching at the word “intimidating”, but in that moment, just remember you only flinch because you have a strong desire to put your best self out into the world- one of the many reasons people view you as “intimidating”.

So yes, perhaps to some, I am intimidating, but I’m okay with that. I have made a promise to myself to never again get upset if someone calls me intimidating, because, why should I? Why should I apologize for having a strong sense of self? Why should I feel guilty about my ambition and goals? Why should I shy away from being independent? Exactly… I shouldn’t, and neither should you.

Thank you, Andrea Wesley, because while I may not know you, you have taught me one of the greatest life lessons I have ever learned--and for that, I am forever grateful.