What Interracial Dating Taught Me

What Interracial Dating Taught Me

If a person makes you happy, then no one else's opinion matters.

Ever since I can remember, I have always been the only African American. I went to a predominantly white private school from Pre-K to fifth grade, participated in predominantly white sports and activities, and even lived in a predominately white neighborhood. So, it became natural that I started to like guys outside of my race.

My brother who is 8 years older than I am, has always dated interracially so I never thought anything of it when I started. My parents are absolutely amazing, and are very accepting. Growing up, I was used to being around white people, so I never thought dating them would be a problem.

When I entered high school, I had an on-again, off-again boyfriend who was African American who I was madly in love with (it was just the hormones). When we finally called it quits, I started seeing this really cute guy (he was not at all African American). Not only was he cute, but he was also smart and could make me laugh, which is the best way to earn brownie points.

The first time we went out, we went for ice cream (he won brownie points for that, too). There were senior citizens there when we walked in, and I politely smiled and continued to go to the register. As we got our order and sat down, I had a really weird feeling. When I looked around, I realized that they were all looking in my direction so I assumed that there was ice cream on my face. I wiped my face so many times, I could feel my skin getting dry. Anyway, even after I wiped my face, we were still getting looks, so I then thought it was because he was talking to loud so I told him to quiet down. But we were still getting looks. I had come up with so many excuses as to why they were looking at us: a wardrobe malfunction, something in my teeth, or my hair was messed up. I checked for all of those, but it wasn’t that. When I was finishing up my ice cream, I wiped ice cream off his face with a napkin and that’s when I saw what they saw: our skin color. I automatically remembered my best friend telling me a story about her family’s disapproval of her dating interracially and I knew that’s what they were looking at. The uncomfortable feeling I had was being judged for dating interracially.

After that date, I became more aware of the places we went, and the looks we got, which made me very self-conscious and insecure. I was constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was looking at us, that it made me no longer want to go out. Over time, I talked to him less and less, and soon we weren’t talking at all. It was like a cycle, I would talk to guys outside of my race and really like them, but then I became self-conscious and eventually stopped talking to them.

It took about three more cycles for me to realize that those strangers in the ice cream shop had been dictating my life and I had been letting them. I was so worried about what others were thinking that it was getting in the way of my own happiness. Although my realization was amazing and changed my life, it came a little too late, and I lost some amazing people. Even though it’s good to please others, it should never get in the way of your happiness. Interracial dating taught me that if a person makes you happy, then no one else's opinion matters.

Cover Image Credit: Contemporaryfamilies.org

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Just Because I Check My Boyfriend's Location Every Hour Doesn't Make Me A 'Psycho Girlfriend'

No, checking his location every hour does not make me psycho.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. He has come up with describing my actions sometimes as “psycho girlfriend.” As much as this bothered me at first I started to realize there is nothing wrong with my “psycho” actions.

I don’t monitor who my boyfriend hangs out with and I don’t care who he texts, I trust him, but I do watch other things he does.

I probably check his location about once an hour, maybe more if he isn’t texting me back.

This isn’t some way for me to find out if he is with another girl, it’s so I can ensure he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. If he was on Snapchat five minutes ago but hasn’t texted me back in 45 minutes, yeah I’ll call him out on it but I'm not actually mad. If he is with friends and not answering me, it’s cool. I just want to be able to make sure I know where he is and that he is alive on a regular basis.

I make him keep his read receipts on for me.

I don’t care if he leaves me on read, I just need to know he is seeing what I’m saying. Half the time, I text him random facts or thoughts I have throughout my day, those don’t always need a response back. However, I do want to know he is acknowledging me through reading my texts.

Yes, from time to time I will spam him and make him respond to my messages so we can make plans or I can know what he is doing with his day but it’s not like I plan out his every move for him or care if he is getting drunk with the boys on a Wednesday, not my issue.

I don’t ask for all of his time or anything. I know he is a busy person. All I ask for him to text me back on a regular basis (once an hour to be exact), for him to allow for me to know where he is at all times and to get one night a week with him.

I don’t plan to show up where he is or anything, I simply just like to know information and get a weekly time with him. I don’t care if I only see him that one night a week, I just want one night with a movie or dinner or snuggles so I can get my boyfriend time.

The rest of the time he is his own person, and I couldn’t really care less about what he does in that time.

Cover Image Credit: Grace Wilkowski

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From The Girl Who's Going Through The Unknown Trials And Tribulations Of Being Newly Single

Being newly single can be hard, for reasons that don't incorporate your ex

SO, I just got out of a THREE YEAR RELATIONSHIP and things have been a challenge and a half. Not for the reasons you may think because if we are being completely honest and cruel, I have no emotion towards the ghost of this mans past but that’s beside the point. My problems lie where people least expect since according to everyone that hasn’t been in an aggressively long relationship, this is my time to go crazy and glow up.


I am expected to suddenly master the single lifestyle and become Kim Kardashian in the span of literally two months. But this is simply not the case, and I’m sure most newly single ~ladies~ can relate.

I literally have no idea how to be a single human. I mean, I’m fine by myself, I actually prefer being by myself, but how does one flirt? Find dates to formal? Just be a normal, single woman? I am confused, and I think I will remain confused for a long while.

This past week, I tried to FEED A MAN A CHIP FROM MY FANNY PACK while at a party because in my mind, that was normal, flirtatious activity. Not only did I try to shove food down a man's throat, but I was also wearing a fanny pack. I have so many questions for myself that will most likely be answered with time, but until then, I will continue, through trial and error, to figure out the art of being #single.

I also really dislike the hype of “glowing up” post-relationship because that takes TIME. Every girl that has been in a four-day relationship takes to Twitter or Instagram to show their dramatic (and immediate) post break up, glow up. WELL, let me tell you something.

This is not the case for those of us who were in it for the long haul. I AM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE MY ISH OUT, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BODY BUILD AND MASTER MY SKINCARE ROUTINE. I’m still trying to figure myself out because this is the first time in three years that I have been completely alone with myself for this long.

I’m working on an internal glow up and succeeding too, which is why the world needs to GET OFF MY BACK. Hopefully, this summer will be the season of external change but until then, plz don’t expect much :-).

SO, basically, the point of this article was to try to explain that being newly single can be hard for reasons that don’t incorporate your ex-man's, because to be honest, getting over them can sometimes be the easiest part if the breakup has been long past due.

The hardest part lies in trying to figure out who you actually are without someone directly related to your identity. I still have people from my hometown asking me how he is and what he’s up to, and TBH, I have no clue, but I can assure them that Frankie is doing just fine.

Cover Image Credit: Instagram

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