Before indulging in this poem, I just want to remind you that if you ever feel this way or you can relate a little too much to the things I say, please seek help and don't be afraid. I write this poem so people can be aware of you. For some out there, these words are meaningless and don't hold true. For others, they are what we fight against and what we are going through. So, once again, if this is you please seek help. If this is a friend you know, please seek help. If you don't want to talk to someone who can't relate to you then talk to me. Whatever the situation may just know you are not alone. You Are Never Alone.

For any University of Maryland students seeking help for you or a friend please schedule an initial appointment, also called an intake appointment call (301) 314-7651 or stop by the Counseling Center reception desk on the main level of Shoemaker Building.

For anyone else out there seeking help or help for a friend please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline-1800-273-8255.

My pen has not touched the page in a while. Lately my fake smile has become more than a smile. It’s become words and actions too. That’s why I have not written to you. I don’t trust these words I speak hold truth.

If you were in my shoes what would you do? Your back against the wall, while your demons are closing in on you. You think about ending it all, would that be a spiteful sin?

I can’t think of the last time I honestly grinned. If the devil and I are in a game of life right now, I would predict that he’d honestly win. The thoughts in my head are so foul and vile.

I’m succumbing to my suicidal thoughts, I am no longer in denial. I put pressure on the gas pedal and my thoughts begin to cease. The faster I go the faster my thoughts decrease.

200 on the dash gets me closer to God. My judgment’s so clouded because my world is so flawed. I cannot keep on living like this I’m so lost. I see my reflection and this is not who I was.

I push down harder, I’m losing control. Letting go so early while my story’s untold. I close my eyes and the darkness unfolds. I see a bright light, do the heavens behold?

I open my eyes to bear witness, but it was all a dream. So, distraught from my slumber, I can’t even begin to think. I look up at the ceiling, I’m beginning to shrink. Into my bed, I’m starting to sink.

I reach out my hand, grabbing nothing but air. I feel nothing to hold, I begin panic in fear. At this moment in time I wish I would have taken more care.

My skin starts to burn. My palms start to sweat. I’m drenched in sorrows in the pit of regret. A figure that’s ghostly passes me by. Tears run down my face as I begin to cry.

I see life on a screen, I’m wondering why. Is this my life flashing before my eyes? Have I completed the task of taking my life?

Maybe am I really dying and headed towards the light? Maybe this is a nightmare to scare me into shape. Put my mind at ease and put my thoughts into place.

Maybe just maybe it’s meant to change my perspective and give me insight. If I ever wake up, I must transmute my life.

Resources that are available to those of you who feel this way:

National Suicide Prevention Hotline-1800-273-8255