Many people think they know how it feels to be told, "you are a victim of domestic violence." For me, I felt as if my world started spinning and they were wrong. Except, now I realize they were right.

Domestic violence is not just hitting and punching, it is so much more.

There are different forms of domestic violence - coercive control, psychological/emotional abuse, physical or sexual abuse, financial or economic abuse, harassment, and stalking.

When I went into this "relationship" I did not know it was going to be how it was, but does anyone? I did not know I was going to be forced to have sex, regardless if I was on my period or not. I did not know that I was going to be manipulated. I did not know that I was going to have guidelines on how I dressed. I did not know I was going to be degraded when I could not find the perfect lie to tell my Mom where I was going.

When I was with my friends 223 miles from him, he called me and told me he could not believe what I was doing. He told me he could not believe I was hanging out with another guy. When I had explained that he was just a friend, he kept saying that he was going to hurt me and I should not hang out with him.

When I wore shorts, he told me that is why guys "swarm" me and harass me and if I did not wear them, I would not have all these guys running after me. If I wore jeans, they were "too tight." If I wore tank tops, I was too "exposed."

The first time I ever went to his house, he wanted sex. I was sick. He did not care.

I stayed the night one night and before I left work, I told him I did not want to have sex. When we were together, I told him I did not want to have sex. During the movie we were watching, I told him I did not want to have sex. He replied, "oh, we are having sex." I kept telling him to stop and he said, "I did not hear you." Did he ever hear me?

My Mom had told me that I should not be with him, and now I wish I would have listened to her. If I would have listened to her, maybe I would not have been in the situation I was in or maybe she could have helped me after what happened next.

I minimized talking to him after I went home for the fourth of July and ended up with him, in the same position.

He called me and said, "if you want to be friends, I will understand." I said I wanted to be friends, he did not understand. Instead, he said I cheated on him, used him, and lied to him.

He said I changed when I left for college. He was right, I did change. I am happy, I escaped my past. I am moving on to bigger and better things and even a brighter future.

After these events, I wake up every hour of the night, I look at every guy differently, and it changed how I perceived everything.

After the fourth of July, I had an EKG taken. I laid on the examination bed with a thin piece of paper covering my body and I cried. I felt so exposed like something was going to happen and I learned that this is now something I have to work through.

He may not have physically hurt me but he did emotionally, mentally, and sexually and I may never be able to forgive him for that.

He is still on top of me and I still cannot breathe.

But, he did not break me. I am coming back, and I will be stronger than ever before.

After all, love should not hurt.

This article is not to "attack" anyone by any means, it is to show an inside look on domestic violence. Keep in mind, this happens to females and males every day.

Mom, if you happen to read this, I am so sorry you are finding out this way. I truly did not know how to tell you and I hope one day you can forgive me. I love you.

Domestic Abuse Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)